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@o-brian-of-the-surface-world

Ah, I see! Perhaps I can help.

It did sound somewhat wordy. In general, I love words and applaud their use, but without the dramatic reading I had the privilege to hear, I think the reader will be a little swamped by them. For instance:

A burst of white light, strobed out of a column of opalescent fire, burning her vision with a negative image of a lone horse running along the crest of a cliffside. As her horse approached, Christie could hear the sounds of thousands applauding, like a roaring crowd at a massive stadium, in ecstatic celebration of some field of play. Or a coliseum of blood-thirsty spectators, witnessing brutal gladiatorial conflict in an arena below.

While I appreciate what you’re doing with the storm of words, and it’s delightfully poetic, I think you’ll lose them here, and in other places like it.

What we need to know is:

1. there is a  lone horse running on the top of a cliff. (It’s silhouetted, I believe.)

2. Christie hears the loud roaring of the sea.

Bringing in  descriptions like “opalescent fire”, “negative image” or the simile of the crowd at a game/coliseum brings in an extra thing for the readers to think about without giving them much more vital information. Something like “the sea thundered in her ears” will give the reader the same feeling of stormy noise without providing a sidetrack from your main objective: finding Laura. You could even liken the sea to the sound of applause, but skip the image of a game/coliseum. (I assume it is the sea that Christie is hearing, and not actual applause).

If you could cut some of your sentences and leave them with the bare bones of what we need to know, I think it could be a lot more tense, and you’d be less likely for readers to lose interest and wander away.

I hope that helps!