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  • Elisha Starquill replied to the topic Blurb Critique in the forum Fantasy Writers 6 years, 1 month ago

    @r-m-archer – Hi! Saw this a while back and I was very intrigued by your blurb! I am definitely no expert on writing them, but I did notice a few things about yours that I thought I’d mention. 🙂

    Dragon ink allows writers to set history in stone—or to change it. This sounds like a great tag line! I also read it as one, so…yeah, I think it’d be a good idea to make it a separate line. 😉 Also, I would change ‘writers’ to whatever the official name for them is throughout the entire blurb, to keep everything consistent and clear. Is it calligraphers or time-changers?

    Duyên Lai has been admitted into the ranks of the calligraphers, authors considered trustworthy enough to defend time from those who would change it, and she’s thrilled to work with the others in her village. This felt wordy to me. I would separate it into two sentences after ‘change it’ and perhaps add a bit more of her dreams/goals/something to the second sentence. Also, maybe you could consider using more active language? Like instead of saying ‘Duyên Lai has been admitted…’ you could write something like, ‘Duyên Lai’s greatest dream is fulfilled when she is admitted into…’

    But when Duyên’s guild is set upon by ancient dragons demanding a time-changer be destroyed, her world is turned turns [different word or phrase, maybe? Since in the next sentence her guildmates also turn on each other] upside down. Her guildmates have turned on each other and suspicion colors ing their every move. To make matters worse, she‘s begun hearing the dragons starts to hear dragons in her head and finds them impossible to block out: a condition that rendered her grandmother insane. The first time I read this through, I was confused on how everything tied together and felt myself skimming. Again, I think some more active language (I tried adding some examples) would help. (By the way, the grandmother being insane part made me feel so excited. Not for the grandmother, but for the story. :P)

    With the calligraphy guild in turmoil, and Duyên’s ever-present fear of insanity clouding her vision, will the group be able to discover which of their guildmates has altered time before the dragons pass judgement on them all? I have nothing to add here. Really love this paragraph. 😀

    Good luck and I hope this helps!

    (oops, I think I repeated some of Naiya’s edits. xD Sorry.)

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