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@jared-williams

Hey Jared!

Its an interesting idea, and the skeleton of the story is great. I think something you would need to ponder, however, is the biblical themes you portray. Now I know no novel, written by a Christian or not, is imperfect, but it would do Christian authors well to portray biblical truth as best they can.

Now maybe you should change it into more of an allegorical characterization. Maybe Satan should be called the Dark One, and God called the King, or what have you. Keep in mind that if unbelievers read it and hear explicit mentions of biblical characters, such as God and Satan, they may impute your book into their understanding of Christianity.

Perhaps changes the names and setting would help, because if I’m a believer and I hear Satan challenging God and God then accepting it, I think, oh they must be equals, for God to want to prove something to Satan. I know that’s not what you want to portray, but it’s something to think about tweaking.

Also, just curious. When mentioning free will are you trying to advocate man’s free will, or showing the futility of the will, apart from God changing it?

However I love the story idea, and I feel that with tweaking you could tell a masterful tale. Just my thoughts.

On another note, would you tell me what’s your opinion on my religious themes? That’d would be SO helpful.

In my WIP I generally am a little paranoid that I don’t portray too explicit religious themes that could be taken wrong, so that no one gets their theology from my book. But for instance, one of the biblical themes I portray is a King who is recovering from the wake of national disaster, and he begins more and more to realize that the nations God, Galrath, is nothing more than a petty statue. Thus he goes on a search for the famed King of Escalas, who, according to the old legends, created the whole world. He had given the children of men luscious lands to enjoy and a regent over them, Estenros. However Estenros soon became greedy and power hungry, for he was deceived by a dark foe(Haven’t thought Of a name yet XD)

Back to the current King, Abner, who goes on the journey. He has had dreams of a great fiery mountain, and atop it, a shining city. But as he tries to climb it, a black goo oozes from the earth, and makes it impossible to climb the slope.

When he arrives at the foot of the mountain, his dream comes true, and he is stuck in a hopelessly slippery, sticky mess of his own doing . Then from atop the mountain comes down a man, dressed in a simple brown robe, but whose face is more radiant than any face Abner had ever seen. The man picks him up, and carries him up the slope, through the slime, and through sharp rocks and thorns, and hostile terrain, and only by the actions of this man, does Abner reach the famed City of the King.

I assume you caught on to the themes, but I just wanted to portray the mountains as the requirement to be with God. And Abner by himself cannot climb it. In fact, his efforts to climb it are what causes the slime in the first place. Only the intervention of the man who Carries him is the way he can reach salvation.

Hope I don’t sound too critical Jared, and I love a good story, and yours certainly sounds like one!