Activity

@scribbles Hmm…so…the ending…was…abrupt. They never addressed the core issue that started Sarah down the spiraling path with Finn. She snapped at him, which never came back up. She never explained to him why she became distant, her fear of losing him as a friend, her fear of rejection–again. And they never sorted out the deal with the Neons. Finn could have had a chance to explain that one can have multiple friends and still be just as true to them all. She could have seen the Neons weren’t out to get her and steal her friends; they probably didn’t even ever notice her, not maliciously, just because it never came up. There just seemed, an abrupt halt at the end, an easy acceptance of what was said, and a few strings left untied. (I did really like that last line, though 😉 )

Other than that, I truly enjoyed this story. You have an uncanny ability to create a vivid world and populate it with such diverse, creative, and unique creatures. I love your world building, settings, and characters!!

For me, I didn’t think the story fell flat. It felt very well balanced, until the end, which I already addressed. I liked how it moved from part to part and built on itself to come to a head, which, again, I felt was cut short. However, I would not say the story wasn’t compelling, at least for me. The conflict didn’t feel overly dramatic or silly, though at times Sarah’s dialogue did a little. She changed her mind so quickly it made my head spin. And it didn’t really feel like she truly changed her mind so absolutely, as the dialogue implied. Her actions still radiated nervousness and a little bit of fear, even though she was so adamant that her friends were right in their conclusions. I think the fears and doubts Sarah had were very real and easy to relate to. I do wish a few of the spots had been further explored and developed. (Sorry, I’m really trying not to be repetitive, but it seems I just keep going in circles answering all of your questions XD) The two tidbits of dialogue and the unanswered questions at the end could easily give an even deeper life to your conflict, even though it is by no means shallow as it currently stands.

As for characters…well…hmm…I feel like they were somewhere in between round and flat…if that makes sense…They had unique qualities that made them separate, which I enjoyed and would consider toward the round side of the spectrum, but at the same time they were each pretty much only one thing bottled into a character, which makes them sort of flat…this is a difficult question XD They had distinct personalities, which makes them rounder, but they never really faced enough of a challenge–except Sarah–to give them an opportunity to struggle, which I think most round characters need in order to show their complexities. They didn’t bore me, as most flat characters do. I didn’t sigh and roll my eyes cause they were cheesy. But, upon consideration, I’d probably say they are very unique, flat characters…XD

Well…that was a big help *facepalm* 😀 I enjoyed the story, Rachel, and I thank you profusely for sharing!