fb

Activity

  • Beth replied to the topic The Four Rebels chapter 3 in the forum Fantasy Writers 6 years, 1 month ago

    @katja-r

    Ahh, more suspense! Loving it so far! I really like Rydel’s character!

    Again just a few things, nothing big! 🙂

    Mother thought I need to cut it but I liked it being shoulder length.

    You said need not needed.

    Not wanting to see my sister but having nowhere else to go, I headed inside…..

     I crossed my fingers behind my back and walked inside.

    Even those aren’t like right by each other it might sound better if you didn’t say he walked inside twice lol 😉

    I opened the door and headed to the living room. As I stepped through the doorway my mother looked up. 
    Idk there’s just something about this part that was…idk I might rewrite it? Yeah, not sure why I don’t like that lol! But obviously it’s your book so do whatever you want haha!

    My father told them, or whoever was behind the door, to come in.

    Maybe just say, my father told whoever was behind the door, to come in. Or maybe even better, My father looked at the door. “Come in.” Or he might be kinda suspicious and jumpy after the letter he received so maybe he goes over to the door and looks through the eye whole or something haha!

    I sighed, I wished I could take part of the rebellion. 

    I think you prob meant IN the rebellion, not of the rebellion 🙂

Pin It on Pinterest