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  • Beth replied to the topic The Four Rebels in the forum Fantasy Writers 6 years, 6 months ago

    I really liked it! Especially love how the first sentence is dramatic and gets you hooked! Good job! I really liked paragraph four, beautifully written!

    I have just a few critiques.

    You said,

    I reached the building and headed to the back door. Then, shakily reaching out my hand I punched in the code to the door.

    You said the word, door, two times and it just sounds a little off. Maybe say instead,

    I reached the building and headed to the back. Then, shakily reaching out my hand I punched in the code to the door.

    Another thing,

    A beep startled be back into reality.

    Obviously you meant me lol!

    Then you said,

    I only needed one more code. Then I would have six and a half minutes to get away and the terrible fight would be over. Slowly I typed it in. I remember Ranwick carefully making sure we knew the password by heart….. 

    Desperately wishing for a different option, I slumped back into the chair. I typed in the last code needed to end this bloody fight. 

    You said you typed in the last code twice.

    Other than that I didn’t see anything bad! Good job! -Beth

    P.S. Obviously I’m not an expert writer or anything! So you don’t have to take my advice, just my opinion lol!

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