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Beth Darlene posted an update 6 years ago
Just a little thing I want your opinions on, 🙂
Just then, his 11-year-old brother, Tim, came crashing out of the house.
“That sister of ours sure is something!” he said, slamming the door.Just then, his 11-year-old brother, Tim, came crashing out of the house, slamming the door as he went.
“That sister of ours sure is something!”Which one is better?
tagging ya’ll
@purpleturtle @claire-h @elizabeth @eitan @olivia @emily-maynard @millennium @kristianne-hassman
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I sorta like the first one the best. I find that sometimes if your character is doing too much in one sentence, it sorta detracts from the rest of the sentence. (I’m not like a superb writing by any means, but just something I thought of as I read your bits of story above.) But both are good, so either one works fine! 🙂
I like both 🙂
I think the first one is best. I think it’s more smooth if you put some action after what the character is saying. In my opinion, it runs better. 😁
I think the first one is smoother, but it slows things down. If you’re going for a chaotic feel, I think the second one is better.
Thanks you guys!
@olivia @millennium @emily-maynard @eitan
Personally, I like the first one better because it seems to flow better, but either one would work fine 🙂
Okay, thank you! I’ll prob go with that one since that’s the one everyone seems to like better!
Yup, your welcome! 🙂