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Ariella Newheart replied to the topic Sci-Fi Serial Story Seeking Readers in the forum General Writing Discussions 6 years, 7 months ago
@quinn-ofallon Here’s what I found.
If it wasn’t for the full moon above, the sprawling pagoda-like building would cast the whole courtyard in shadow, dwarfing the barracks lined on either side of the walled Watcher precinct.
Change to:
dwarfing the barracks on either side of the walled Watcher precinct.
or
dwarfing the barracks lining either side of the walled Watcher precinct.
A decent enough plan, but with one pitfall–every heretic tries it, which means I have extensive practice cutting off anyone who tries that route.
I would split this into two sentences rather than one joined by an em dash.
As I run, I strain for a glimpse over the battlements..
(There are two periods here)
Panice tightens my throat.
“Panic”
And that’s all! 🙂












