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@anne_the_noob14 I think it’s a good start! Right off I’m curious about why Johnson’s mom is sick, why Johnson has to leave without his dad knowing, and why everything is so secretive in general. 😛 It does seem a little sudden, though, with the story jumping right into the action.

Here is one of Jess’s lessons about plotting that I found extremely helpful: https://storyembers.org/forums/topic/lesson-13-plotting-with-purpose/

Let me know if you ever continue this story!