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Toklaham Veruzia replied to the topic Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback in the forum General Writing Discussions 7 years, 10 months ago
There was something deeply wrong about the Rage.
“Not this time, Dairenat,” Keylori said, fighting back the green-and-black mist that was trying to creep over her eyes. She would have swatted him away, if his form were anything more substantial than an illusion. Instead she raised her soul sword and narrowed her eyes at the invading army.
“Seriously?” Dairenat pointed at the largest of the landing boats. Two figures, resplendent in gleaming armor reminiscent of Keylori’s own, stood at the helm, weapons raised. “You couldn’t possibly defeat two Zofayn Knights at once without my help, even if they weren’t bonded.”
“How do you know? You’ve never seen me try,” Keylori responded, assuming a battle stance as Dairenat had taught her to do long ago. The armored skirt of her ferroplate spread out easily, allowing legs to move freely.
“Because if I had, you’d be dead,” said Dairenat.
Keylori assessed the enemy knights. A man and a woman, probably married – among the Zofayn Knights, couples always went into battle together. Only the man had a soul sword. His partner wielded a double-bladed battle-axe. The landing boat bumped against a reef, and the knights leapt out, splashing across the shallows and charging across the beach towards Keylori. Behind them, the rank-and-file soldiers of the Syjanite army disembarked and engaged the troops under Keylori’s command. Both sides gave Keylori and her opponents wide berth, leaving a bubble around them, empty but for the bodies of those who had died in the first wave of the assault strewn across the beach.
When elephants fought, mice got out of the way. When storm fronts clashed, ships got out of the way. When opposing Paladins brought their soul swords to the field of battle, ordinary soldiers got out of the way. For once the Rage took over, the bladesouls hungered indiscriminately, and would just as soon strike down one of their own side than one of the enemy’s.
“I would never do that,” Dairenat said.
“Stop reading my mind.”
“Sorry.” Dairenat shrugged, his hands casually folded as he surveyed the battle. “How exactly are you planning to handle this situation?”
“I haven’t tried intimidating them with my fearsome reputation yet,” Keylori said. She plunged her soul sword down into the sand. Dairenat vanished as she reached up and pulled the helm off her head. Her red hair uncoiled and streamed behind her, identifying her in the eyes of the enemy beyond a shadow of doubt. Female Paladins might not be uncommon among the Zofayn Knights, but there was only one on the Faori side of the war. They hated her, and feared her as well. Keylori hoped the latter passion would triumph in their hearts today.
It didn’t. The two Zofayn Knights screamed a battle cry and increased the speed of their charge the moment they recognized her. Keylori jammed her helmet back on her head, not bothering to gather her hair up under it before doing so. She reached down and grabbed her soul sword.
“So, do we get to try things my way now?” Dairenat asked, reappearing beside her.
“Your way always leaves a lot more corpses,” murmured Keylori. Dark clouds began to creep over her eyes again.
Dairenat sniffed in disdain. “Why do you sound disappointed? It’s a rather admirable trait for a sword, I would say.”










