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Okay, I’m probably going to miss a lot of stuff, skip over a lot of things, etc. but otherwise it’s too overwhelming and I’ll end up writing nothing so *gestures vaguely* I give up, enjoy. XD

(I should make that my motto… XD)

Aydin

He was dead and I felt nothing. I stared at Qatar’s body as though it was an inanimate object. Quin was in complete shock, his eyes wide. He wasn’t going to recover from that anytime soon. I’d seen it before.

Blood dripped down my hand and fell heavily into the puddle forming around him. I barely even felt the cut. I didn’t feel anything. I really was heartless.

The castle was threatening Lorcan. He was trying to argue, to refuse, to protest. It wouldn’t get him anywhere.

Another silence fell. I hated those silences. It meant the castle was picking out a target again.

“Siya, I’m giving you a last chance.”

The title made me feel sick to my stomach.

“I’m not a Siya and I’m not going to,” I said, stubbornly.

The reaction came instantly.

“Boy, where are you?” The voice made me feel sick. It was my father’s voice and he was angry. I would give anything never to hear it again.

Before I could stop myself I spun around, trying to find the voice, trying to find where he was and how I had to get away.

It was as if all the fight dissolved out of me. All the anger, all the stubborness. Nothing was left. I was just scared and alone and too young for this. I felt fifteen again.

My gaze flitted along the walls, into the dark corners. The others hadn’t reacted at all. Had they heard it? Had it just been me? Had it been the castle? Could it do that?

Doubt washed over me.

“You have a ridiculous imagination.”

I heard it. I had heard it. It was real. Wasn’t it?

“You know this is all your own fault. Your actions have consequences and you made these problems yourself.”

I took a step backward, then realized that was towards Qatar’s lifeless body. I had to get away from it. I had to disappear. I couldn’t stay here. It wasn’t safe.

“You deserve this, stop trying to avoid it.”

I pressed my back against the wall and looked down, looked away, tried to vanish.

Sudden pain flared across my back, sudden burning as bad as I remembered it, from my right shoulder all the way down my back, just like that first time. I couldn’t forget. I deserved all of it. I might have cried out. It was happening again and I couldn’t stop it. The castle didn’t even have to touch me to make it all happen again.

I touched my right shoulder, my fingers trailing over the smooth scars, one of them split wide open again. I stared at the hot blood coating my fingertips. Was it real? Was any of this real? Was I hallucinating?

“You don’t have to keep doing this. You can stop it, right now. It would be so easy.”

Giving in was so easy. It wouldn’t be the worst thing I’d done.

“You’re the most faithless person I’ve ever seen.”

“All you’ve ever done was betray and you’ll never do anything else.”

“Nobody trusts you. Nobody is that stupid.”

I was. It was all true. Everything they’d ever said about me was true. What did it matter? No matter how I tried to be better I kept getting dragged back. The world was so cruel. Nothing was fair. I was so tired of standing out. Complying was so easy.

The second cut came, and it hurt worse than the first. Tears caught in my throat. It wouldn’t stop. It would never stop. Nothing would ever get better. It was over for me and it had been a long time ago. Had it ever begun?

My legs finally gave way beneath me and I sank down, trying not to exist. Everything hurt and it was all so loud. Everything was loud and none of it was real.

I turned over the knife in my hands. It probably wasn’t real. Nothing was real. I couldn’t trust anything, least of all myself.

“It’s so easy. It won’t even kill them. Just a small cut. The world is so cruel, you won’t be worse than anyone else.”

The world was cruel and I wouldn’t be. I would make it better, even if I disappeared in the darkness surrounding me, even if it swallowed me whole and left nothing. I couldn’t become like him. I would never.

“I won’t,” my voice sounded smaller, younger, cracking with emotion, pain, or both.

I threw the knife down, away from me, far out of reach.

The pain wouldn’t stop but I would bear it. I had to. It was the right thing.

_____

…. That was really freaking depressing XD Anyway, that’s all I had for Aydin’s challenge! The castle will probably leave him alone after this, I wasn’t actually planning to make it carry through on its threats, that would mean too much character down-time.

Also, I have no idea how much of this was real and how much was a hallucination. Y’all get to decide XD If you see anything you want your character to react to, it’s real, go wild XD

@calidris

 you might want to start preparing you know who for part two, just saying

She’s going to absolutely freak out, all her mama-hen instincts ready and alert XD As the story got darker my plan for her reaction shifted from “My horrible gremlin child causes problems” to “My horrible gremlin child adopts everyone and kicks the castle’s rear for hurting them” XD

Both are accurate XD

Also, she’s more than ready. She’s kicking at the cupboard door and I don’t know how long that chair I propped against it is going to keep her in. I haven’t written her in almost three weeks and she’s screaming at me.