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The first book only has one first person POV, (Liorah’s) but it has a few other chapters in third person limited for other characters.

Interesting. Are the third person limited views quite sparse? Like Skyward’s interludes?

That’s my first point. Backstory that isn’t a ghost exists too and it’s important to lend emotional value to the ghost.

Okay, that’s what I figured you were going for–and those examples were great, I will definitely try to incorporate some of that into TTD next revision.

If you split it up like this it both builds audience anticipation and it feels more natural when you slip out small parts in dialogue.

Alright, I was just worried that would be telling something twice, and thus loose any effect it might have had on the reader.

Okay, I have a video that explains romance beats really well, I’ll link it down below.

Enemies to lovers is an entire trope by itself and honestly one of my favorites. You can add setup for a romantic relationship even while they hate each other though. I think the video will explain it better.

I don’t think the video came through. I’m looking forward to seeing the video, because I can’t think of a single way to set up a romance without giving away that there will be romance (which I don’t like in haters-to-lovers).

Okay, something that I was missing were the characters clashing. A low point usually includes at least one argument or clash. Maybe Joelle lashed out at Hugon because she blamed him.

Very interesting ideas. I’ll try to incorporate something like that, but it seems that that would drag it out, and make their following relationship development seem quite unrealistic in such a danger filled time.

It could be something like that, just some loophole to their lie, an exception that shows that they can improve.

I think I get what you’re saying. Basically, if I have a character whose lie is massive or very negatively affects the character, add some quality or behavior that makes them more likable and shows a good or sentimental side?

Have you planned how you’re going to go about your next revision?

Yep, pretty much go through it with y’all’s tips fixing characters, fight scenes, adding introspection, improving prose where I can, things like that.

–The bailey, the courtyard inside the walls,–

Just mention that once and then use the historical word.

Great, that’s what I was thinking too.

For example, the actual correct name of the sword Liorah uses is a “shamshir”, but the more common English word woudl be scimitar. I thought about this a while, then decided that the first was more authentic so I just describe it once and then go with it.

Huh, I’ve definitely never heard of a shamshir, is that African in origin? The curved scimitar blade is Persian/Arabian in origin isn’t it?