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@this-is-not-an-alien

I know you’re reading these and I’m warning you now, you have too much background context and you’re going to spoil yourself if you read all of this post. You have been warned!! I’ll put in a warning when it starts.

Aydin

They knew. It was all over.

Yila was glaring at me, not with the general dislike of earlier, but with concentrated hatred, her eyes flaming. Just like Liorah’s had, so very often.

And without any warning, I wasn’t scared anymore. It was over. I knew this feeling, it was the exact calm anger that had preceded all my decisions that had gotten me where I was now. This was going to go horribly wrong and there was nothing I could do about it.

I squared my shoulders and crossed my arms, no longer trying to disappear. There was no use. I was as good as dead.

A long knife gleamed in Yila’s hand. She was going to try to throw it at me. I wouldn’t be able to stop her, and in all honesty, I didn’t want to.

Let justice finally be served.

She let go, just as Niarok grabbed her. I looked her straight in her ice blue eyes, so much like Chantara’s.

The knife should have lodged in my chest, instead it whizzed past my head, clattering against the stone wall behind me.

Niarok had saved my life and I hated him for it. I glared at him in a sudden flare of anger. Why did he have to make me suffer longer?

I reached for my knife with my left hand. I wasn’t left handed. I wouldn’t be able to hit anything, but if someone charged me I didn’t want to be unarmed.

I kept the knife low, not threatening, but ready.

Rúan stood, his sword drawn. He was wounded and I was using my non-dominant hand. He’d probably still win because I wasn’t going to attack him.

Yila finally quieted and Niarok let her go. She shot me a final glare of fury which I met with icy indignation, then she turned and ran into one of the tunnels.

Niarok took a step toward me and I stepped back, close enough to the wall that nobody could get behind me but far enough away that I could move easily.

Niarok looked furious but his eyes were more sympathetic when he looked at me. I hated it.

I wasn’t blameless. I had done terrible things. I had a choice and I’d chosen wrong. Everything I’d ever done had been deliberate. I didn’t deserve pity, sympathy or forgiveness.

Niarok didn’t look hostile and I hated that too. He needed to hate me. I deserved it.

“Assassins,” Rúan said, flatly.

“I am not,” I said, each word icy and sharp. My accent was coming through stronger, the vowels short and consonants sharp, the harshness of it accenting my words.

I had been an assassin, but I had burned it out of my blood and carved it out of my bones, I’d bled and suffered not to be one anymore. I wasn’t like them anymore.

“I have no reason to trust either of you,” he said, “but I too know assassins.”

He looked more uncertain than anything but I didn’t break eye contact, looking him straight in the face, forcing him to face me.

“Have any of you heard of the names Osløn Hvítur or Yulenna Coalshrike?”

Of course I had, I knew every assassin who had ever lived. I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“No,” Niarok said, flatly.

I shook my head but didn’t relax.

Rúan’s shoulders sagged in disappointment. He stumbled back to the wall and sat down again. At least he wasn’t threatening to kill me anymore.

“I know you may not believe me,” Niarok said quietly, “But I don’t hate you.”

I grinned. I had barely smiled since I got here. It was another habit I had picked up from Chantara. I hated how all the people who wanted me dead were a part of me.

“If you don’t see anything wrong with what I did you’re worse than I am.”

He should hate me. It was the right thing to do.

“Idiots, knock it off!” yelled Klein.

They yelling set off a round of memories and I tried to hide the way I flinched.

“Look at yourselves. You go and try to kill each other just because you learned the other is an assassin like you. After all we’ve gone through. Think about it. Y’all could have been killed a dozen times over but you weren’t. This… entity is trying to pit y’all against each other for sport.”

“What’s new?” I said, coldly. It was the cycle of my life.

I didn’t hate Niarok. I hated myself. I hated everything I’d done. The only reason Niarok had been kind to me was because he hadn’t known who I was. He only cared about the perception he had of me.

“Since this has proved to be an issue, lets eliminate it,” Klein finished. He towered over us and I stiffened. I couldn’t see him well in the dim light but something about him was noticeably off.

He sat down, apparently at ease. I was not.

“My full name is Klein Mattias Gray. I’m a gunnery sergeant in United States Marine Corp, part of the Marine Raiders special forces detachment. I am a biologically enhanced soldier. I am trained as a scout sniper and shock trooper. I’ve been deployed to Iran, Afghanistan, Mars and the Asteroid belt in nearly ten years of service. I have 89 confirmed kills with nearly as many unconfirmed.”

I only understood a few of those words. The only clear part was 89 confirmed kills and ten years of service. He was probably one of the most dangerous people here.

There was a slow silence, only broken by Basil saying something. My mind was still stuck on Klein’s proposal. All secrets in the light.

What did I have to lose? The worst was past. It couldn’t really get worse.

(Okay, Cathy, here come the spoilers!)

I hesitated, what was I supposed to say and what was I supposed to hide.

“Aydin, son of nobody,” I said. I refused to speak my father’s name. He had abandoned me and probably hated me more than anyone else ever had. He didn’t deserve the title.

“Member of the Servane Siya for three years. Assassins,” I said, clarifying. My voice sounded sharp and distant, like I was talking about someone else.

“Head poisoner. Dishonorably expelled on an accusation of sabotage,” I paused, trying to shove down the memories.

“Dishonorably expelled” was a very strong euphemism for what had happened when they’d found out. I got chills at the memory.

“Transferred to the lower spy corps. Worked there for a year,” I said.

“Confirmed kills–” I hestitated, but decided that I honestly didn’t care. “One.”

Responsible for hundreds, but I had only personally taken one life, and it would haunt me until the day I died.

Murderer, traitor, assassin.

I didn’t care what they thought about me. They already hated me. They should. I deserved it.

____________

Well, that was really dark.

One of the most interesting things about Aydin is that he has an extremely strong moral compass but also a really dark history, and the two clash in a way that makes him hate himself.

Also, I’m so sorry, poor Niarok. Aydin isn’t taking friendship overtures well currently XD