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Aydin

Chet still scared me, but it was worth it. He stared at me hard before answering and my gaze flickered away, as usual, back to his camel.

“Brand,” the man said, shortly, though I thought I detected the faintest hint of pride. He loved that camel. Of course he did.

“Hmm, Brand,” I said, quietly, rubbing the camel behind the ears. He leaned into me, giving a soft huff of joy. It was a good name.

I could almost feel my fingers again, the warmth of his fur seeping into me. I let out a long breath, relaxing slightly for the first time since I’d ended up here.

“Where are we?” Chet asked. He didn’t waste words. I glanced at him and shrugged.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I was–” I broke off. I didn’t want to talk about my nightmares. “I woke up here, I don’t know what happened.”

My voice tightened again, the anxiety getting a hold of me again. I looked away, back at Brand. He shoved his nose into my chest as some sign of affection and I smiled again and continued rubbing his forehead.

Someone was talking and I looked over my shoulder. Niarok offered Qatar a dry tunic. He was wet and obviously as cold as I was despite being right next to the fire.

Qatar disappeared into a corner of the cave to change. That would be cold.

Chet shivered.

“You should get to the fire,” I said. “You’ll freeze here.”

Chet looked dubious.

With a final pat, I backed away from Brand. He wasn’t used to weather like this, he should get to the fire too. He had a thick coat, but still.

I got out of Chet’s way. He was wearing odd clothes, looked like camel skin. As he passed me, a strong, sharp smell overwhelmed me. Alcohol.

Dizziness rushed over me.

The crash of glass right next to me. If he hadn’t been so drunk it would have hit me. I had to leave. The shards shimmered on the ground, catching the light from the single oil lamp.

My knees felt like they were going to give out beneath me and I leaned against the wall, trembling worse than before.

The first time someone hadn’t returned after a mission. They’d found her floating in the harbor. She’d always been so gentle, she had the prettiest laugh. I hated the taste but it didn’t stop me. Whoever had given it to me shouldn’t have. For just a moment, I understood him and it tasted even worse. The healer found out soon after, warned me that if I started I’d never stop. 

I must have gone as white as chalk. It was hard to see, everything flickered like a flame with black spots like a thousand towering figures closing in around me.

The smell and horrible sting as the healer tried to stop the bleeding on my raw back. It had cracked open again. It hurt almost as badly as the first time and I deserved it. I deserved everything and worse.

Someone touched my shoulder, held on to my arm. The touch sent a wave of pain over me, mingling with the fear.

“Aydin, are you alright?”

I didn’t recognize the voice, didn’t register it. I shook him off roughly and pulled away, pressing my back against a wall as though it would somehow protect me.

Everything was slowly pulling back into focus. It was hard to breathe. Was it the cold? It was terribly cold, the wind was blasting into my face.

The shadows had vanished, everything slowly focused again. Niarok was standing by me, a good distance away. I must have shaken him off earlier.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I said, pulling deeper into my cloak as though I could disappear. They were staring at me, they’d all seen me suddenly panic for no discernable reason. Shame washed over me, wrapped around me until nothing else seemed to exist.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know– Sometimes that happens, I–” I stammered, trying to explain it, trying to excuse it somehow. There was no excusing it, I’d spun out of control just because I’d smelled strong alcohol. It was ridiculous.

If only I could erase it. If only I could disappear.

_________

I shouldn’t be bored, ever. I torture my characters every time. Poor Aydin can’t get a break XD