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Sahar

The girl was getting heavy. At first she had seemed to listen to me talking, but gradually, she’d grown more and more detatched. Not a good sign.

Acyn had told me that being unconcious was usually worse, so I did everything I could to keep her present. That mostly involved talking. A lot. I was good at that, but gradually my words had lost all meaning and I’d just shut up. I felt horribly useless.

The girl was almost as tall as Liorah, and just as muscular. She was definitely heavier than me, and her brother was so exhausted he was unconciously slumping and making me bear more of her weight. I didn’t make a single complaint.

Another man, with dark hair and sharp eyes, practically pushed the girl’s brother aside. I started to protest, but it was an immense relief that I didn’t have to support her by myself anymore.

Acyn and the girl’s brother were talking. I only caught snippets, but what I caught told me that Acyn had stumbled onto something he didn’t know and was trying to pry as much information out of him as possible. I silently rolled my eyes. He really didn’t know how to pick a moment.

“How about a rest?” The man on the other side of the girl shouted.

I jumped in surprise. The sudden noise had startled me. I saw the girl’s brother smirking mockingly and I shot him a dirty look, purely out of exhaustion and frustration.

Suddenly, the girl slumped against me, limp. My knees buckled and I tried to keep her upright, but I couldn’t keep her up for long. I glanced around for help, but her weight was suddenly swept off me so quickly I stumbled. I gritted my teeth and stood back.

I was just getting in the way. Everyone could manage fine without me. Nobody had spared me a single glance, and I suddenly felt a rush of shame. Who was I to suddenly swoop in and… what? Think I could do something someone else couldn’t?

Acyn knew about all kinds of things, the girl’s brother seemed to have an encyclopedic knowledge about herbs, besides being tall and strong. The new man was just as strong, he had picked up the girl as though she weighed nothing.

And what could I do? Nothing they couldn’t. I wasn’t big or strong, my fields of knowledge were as good as useless here.

I stayed out of the way as the new man with the hard eyes and the girl’s brother settled her in. She didn’t look well, but there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t know the next thing about healing.

Acyn was watching with an analytical interest that made me want to slap him. He had the emotional capacity of a sympathetic rock and it was times like these I hated him for it.

I swallowed a sudden ache in my throat that announced the tears. I wouldn’t cry. Why did I always cry in empathy? It made me seem weak and ditsy, and it made people dismiss me. I hated that.

They were taking care of the girl, Acyn was watching, Quin and Lorcan were talking together. I was superfluous.

I walked to the creek in the back of the cave, slower than usual. My steps felt heavy, echoed in the soft clinking of my jewelry. I pulled off the scarf that tied back my curls, almost resenting the jingle of the paper-thin coins that I usually liked so much.

I swept up my skirt so it wouldn’t brush the mud and knelt by the stream, splashing the icy water onto my face. It made me gasp a little, it was so much colder than the tepid well water in the cities, and even sweeter and clearer than the deep desert wells. I didn’t drink any of it.

I quietly resented the fact that there was no way for us to see if the water was safe. Liorah had told me that the Lehabim usually watered their horses first whenever they reached a new well, because horses wouldn’t touch water that wasn’t safe to drink. Somehow, they always knew. (Author’s note: True fact, btw!)

My throat was dry, but I ignored it. I got up and sat down some distance from it, still in the shadows. Usually, I liked company, but it was a few too many people for me now, I’d had my fill of them.

I shook out my curls, then twisted them back, careful not to crush or stretch them. I stuck the hair-stick through it and wiggled it until I was sure it wouldn’t fall down next time we were hanging above flaming lava or some other delightful experience.

I tied the scarf back again and carefully rubbed below my eyes, trying to brush away the dark makeup that probably made me look as exhausted as I was.

I sighed. The new man and the other new man were still by the new girl. I was so sick of calling them that. I needed to find out their names.

The girl’s brother got up and slowly started toward the stream. I watched him, but made no move to talk to him. I was just too tired.

Quin hurried up to him, then said, tentatively.

“I’m Quin– his brother, she’s your sister, isn’t she?”

Oh, they were brothers?

Well, obviously the two newcomers were siblings. He had literally slung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I didn’t have any brothers, but I had seen how Gavril and Liorah interacted. That was average sibling behavior.

“I heard it was… a venom of some sort, and you– don’t have the herb to cure it?”

At least I was getting informed on the situation too, even if it was third-hand information. That I was eavesdropping on. Reliable sources.

“Have you thought– would it help–”

Out with it. Just string the words together and toss them into the void. Thinking isn’t necessary. Wow, was I really being this sarcastic? I needed to stop spending time with Acyn and Liorah, they were rubbing off on me.

“Have you considered… amputation?”

My eyebrows shot up. I hadn’t thought he’d think of that. I had never even considered it as an option.

Quin lost his nerve and hurried away, but Acyn had overheard the conversation too. He was fiddling with the ties on his sleeves, as he usually did when thinking.

The sudden wave of resentment returned. He was actually considering it. Cold-hearted, emotionless– A thousand impolite words I had heard from Liorah but had never applied to Acyn rushed through my mind.

“Statistically speaking–”

If I ever heard the words ‘statistically’ or ‘theoretically’ at the start of a sentence again, I was going to scream. Couldn’t he think of the fact that this was an actual living, breathing girl, who was suffering, and he was analyzing a procedure she probably wouldn’t survive. To her brother, no less. The exhaustion was written in every line of his face, his shoulders slumped with the weight of responsibility.

I hadn’t particularly liked him before, but I felt so sorry for him the faintest hint of liking slipped in. And I hated Acyn even more by proxy. He was one of my best friends, but heavens, he was annoying.

“In her current state, the extreme blood loss and risk of infection would be more harmful than just waiting it out and treating symptoms. As you were doing. I think that was feverfew…” Acyn trailed off, his mind lost on another side-track of herbs and general nonsensical information that he’d never use.

I glared at him, purely to relieve my own frustration. I usually liked Acyn, but times like these we clashed so dramatically I willingly would have punched him. I actually briefly considered it, then decided I actually didn’t care.

____

You know, that was not what I was expecting sweet Sahar’s internal dialogue to be, but it’s cool!