-
Noah Cochran started the topic Writing Descriptions in the forum General Writing Discussions 4 years, 11 months ago
Alright, one more post of my writings. xD This scene I wrote is very heavy in descriptions, and I would appreciate any tips on how to write it in a more interesting, fluent, and character voicey manner. I would also like you hear y’all’s thoughts, opinions, and methods on writing descriptions, and feel free to post a piece of your writing where there is much describing, I would love to see it. 🙂
———————————————————————————————————————–
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Tristan mounted his brown mare, and led a small group of mounted soldiers out to greet the visiting noble. They had received no message that they would be receiving guests. Why was it so hard for people to follow the basics of etiquette. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>He could see the noble’s entourage nearing the village from where he sat right outside the gates of Agen. He called for his men to follow him, and they proceeded forward. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>People milled about in the village, some stopping to gawk at the arriving noble. A man exited a large house, a large house that Tristan knew served as a tavern, and yelled in a slightly slurred voice “What’s gowan on?” </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>These people had no respect. He tried to encourage them to behave in an appropriate manner, but most just laughed at him. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“Another high an’ mighty man has come to eat our food.” called a woman leaning against her doorway. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“Watch your mouth woman!” Tristan barked, “And have some respect. This man is a man of honor, and you are not.” The woman turned up her nose and walked back inside her home.</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Another man might have punished these people, but he had no desire to do harm. He wanted these people’s love, but they needed to act more respectable. More like his family. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Thatched wooden buildings lined the streets, with poultry meandering in front of them.They rode past a dung heap and Tristan grimaced. Add lack of cleanliness to these people’s faults. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>They reached the end of the village just as the noble’s entourage reached it. The entourage was made up of around a dozen mounted men-at-arms, and two fully decked out knights with breast plates, steel helms, chainmail, and swords. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Tristan looked with appreciation at the opulently decorated four wheel cart pulled by two massive horses that came to a stop in the midst of the men-at-arms. The noble’s coat of arms, a massive bear crossed with two maces, was on the main cart and the surcoats of the knights</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>A few more smaller carts full of chattels and other supplies came behind the lavish one, with plain clad servants managing them. The servants stood quiet and respectful, like servants should.</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Tristan was tall as far as Frenchmen went, nearly five foot ten inches, and his practice with the heavy swords and maces had given him a strong, broad build. But the man who stepped out of the cart made him pale in comparison. The man had a large bulky body with broad shoulders clad with a green tunic and dark grey surcoat with his coat-of-arms on the chest. He stood a good three inches taller than Tristan and had long black hair, and a thick beard. Give the man a mace, and he would have matched his coat of arms. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“Welcome to Agen my lord,” Tristan said, “how may I address you?”</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>The noble smiled openly showing large white teeth, “I am Bayard of Dax” he said in a deep powerful voice, “you may address me as Dax, or Bayard, or Dax of Bayard.” He laughed at his own joke, his voice resounding across the village. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“Father” said the clear elegant voice of a young woman who had stepped out after Dax, “Don’t fluster our kind hosts.” The woman’s slender figure was nearly as tall as Tristan, and was adorned by a voluminous dark green gown belted at the waist with a silver buckled brown belt. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>He met her eyes. She had elegantly defined cheekbones and jawline, clear skin, and candid brown eyes that shone bright energy. Her erect shoulders were framed by wavy brown hair that fell down to her waist.</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>He grinned. They appeared to be a family of high dignity and honor. He thought his father would approve. </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“This is my daughter Delphine,” Dax said with a wide grin, “watch her tongue, if she thinks something, she’ll say it.” </span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“Come now father, you haven’t even asked the poor man his name.” Delphine said</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“Quite right dear, how may we address you sir?”</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“I am Tristan, son of the lord of this land, Danon of Agen. You are welcome here as long as you please.”</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“I know Lord Danon,” Dax said, “He once spent a couple nights at my castle, but I don’t recall seeing you there.”</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>“But if you were there” Delphine said, “father is not saying that you were forgettable.”</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Dax gauffaed, and Tristan grinned.</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Maybe this week wouldn’t be so bad after all.</span>
———————————————————————————————————————–
Looking forward to hearing y’all’s thoughts!












