Activity

@sparrowhawke

Hello,

Here, at last, is my responses to the scene questions.

Scene Questions

1)      Is there anything that stood out to you as intriguing about this scene?

There is a familiar conflict of wills in this scene. The young, promising acolyte (Malar) challenging an authority figure (Crin), frustrated with what they view is slow progress, champing at the bit to be loosed and set free to be active in the anticipated conflict.  They are headstrong and overeager, and their mentor/teacher has a more sober view of what all their impatience young charge might face in the conflict ahead they want.  We see this in young Luke Skywalker’s impatience with Yoda in TESB and again in the young paduwan Anakin, with regard to Obi-Wan Kenobi in Attack of the Clones.  The young view the old with suspicion.  The old view the young as headless and reckless. It is a very familiar trope. The headless youth vs. the wizened master.  But, at the very end of the scene, Malar does something startling beyond the expected rash disregard for the warning from his mentor.  Crin concedes to allow Malar to fight, but Malar goes beyond gratitude for this concession.  He takes something called “Resolve” from him.  It is something Malar is planning to take from an enemy in mortal combat, under the point of his blade and utilizing his particular Eling magic.  The degree of this theft, perpetrated upon a “friend’ is unexpected.  Surely the wizened master Crin, knows the nature of the Eling magic and what purpose it might serve the one who wields it.  By taking the knife and brushing his fingers over the Eling script, surely Crin considered the danger in it, but it is Malar who considers what has been done, as if the exchange was planned.

Since Crin initiated taking the Eling knife, it does not follow that Malar planned it, nor does Malar’s cynical suspicion of Crin indicate that Crin’s “Resolve” is something he would desire to take, because he underestimates the old man.  Perhaps, there is something that Crin did by purposely yielding his “Resolve” into Malar’s knife which might prove useful to the young man in his upcoming battle. It is this possibility that subverts the expectation and make is something the reader would want to know more about in the scene that follow.

 

2)      What would you say the mood was of this scene?

There is an undercurrent of tension in the scene.  A tug of wills, that appear to be waning, because Crin does appear to concede to Malar’s wishes in the end without too much pushback.  It appears that Crin is weary of Malar’s impatience and the little contemptuous digs the young man throws at him.  Malar assumes the man does not like him, but I think his assumption is as rash as he appears to be in wanting to plunge ahead without fully appreciating what it was that Crin was trying to teach him.

 

3)      What character(s) in this scene would you like to know more about?

Crin seems to have more secrets to tell. Malar seems too willing to blurt out whatever is on his mind.

4)      Which character, if any, do you feel the most empathy toward in this scene alone?

Crin

5)      Which of the following, as a reader, do you wish I had developed more fully in this scene?

a)       Setting

It might be good to add a little more set dressing, but not too much. The focal point of the scene is the people in it.  We need not distract from that, but it might be interesting to see how the atmosphere plays into the focal conflict.

b)      Character thoughts and motivations

I think there is enough there. We have Malar’s POV, and not showing Crin’s perspective does leave him enigmatic enough for us to wonder about him.

c)       Character appearance and/or mood expressions

I think enough is there. We need to focus on the interplay of dialogue and not get too hung up on their fashions.

6)      Do you feel that the dialogue in this scene flows or is mechanical and stilted?

Yes.  I think the emotions are implicit in what is being said without restating the obvious by too much bodily expression.

7)      Did you learn something in this scene that you wondered about in a previous scene?

There is a subtle transition from being inside the enclosure of the fortress to the movement to the garden room with a more natural feel and birdsong.  It is like the implied conflict of Malar’s perceived imprisonment (stone walls, heavy doors, etc.) to the open-air liberty of the garden room where, despite the litter of broken statuary, a sign of his contempt for traditional venerations of the old heroes, the freedom he seeks from study is there and it is there where Crin grants him his promised freedom to join the conflict.

8)      Did this scene make you want to read more scenes? (Why or why not?)

Yes. For the reason stated in Question 1.

9)      Is there any part of the scene that you personally felt did not belong?

I do feel at times (i.e. “born todie”), Malar might be a little overly dramatic.  There seems to be no real animosity coming from Crin.

10)   What, if anything, would you change about this scene to make it more interesting to you?

I do wish I knew more about what atrocities the Rissians did to make me more invested in Malar’s frustration to go to battle.  We have only cryptic a vague statements: “What the Rissians did, what they are doing is terrible. Unforgivable.”

May you have a very blessed day!