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Hello, fellow writers!

My current WIP is not technically a romance, so I am sure that I seem a little out of place here, but I need some advice.

I am trying to create a romance in my story, but am having a really hard time with it. My main character, who I will name “Kimberly” for this post, struggles with feeling like she cannot commit to a relationship out of a fear of being left alone. She has been left by multiple people in the past, including past romantic interests, close friends, and family, and she worries that if she starts to date this guy (I’ll call him Carter here) he will eventually leave her.

So there are a few things I am struggling with. The first is trying to depict her lack of trust without it seeming like she is being dramatic, like a “woe is me” situation. I hope to eventually see her break through this distrust, which will also cause her to grow closer to God. Any tips on that front?

The other problem goes pretty deep. I have never been on a date myself (something most people find surprising for an almost-18-year-old), nor have I ever been close to being in a relationship. But I do have a few standards for relationship that follow some of the suggestions given by Barbara and Dennis Rainey in their series “Passport to Purity.” These standards involve dating with the intention of finding a Godly spouse, not going on dates without a third-wheel, not being in a vehicle or bedroom alone with the romantic interest, along with being careful that you are looking for Godly character in a person more than an attractive person. My family and I agree that that is how we think dating should look like and we think it will help relationships last longer and be more Godly in the long-run.

I am fully aware that most people do not hold as tightly to these standards as I do, and I respect that. I also realize that other ways of dating result in Godly relationships that last, and I am in no way shape or form trying to stay that this is the best set of standards someone should have, I am just stating my stance and the stance I hope my characters will take.

Again, I have never been on a date that would follow these standards, nor have I seen anything like this in action. Because of that, I am having a hard time depicting a date with Kimberly and Carter that (for the most part) is following these standards and is devoid of the typical Hollywood-esque relationship that is almost entirely based on physical things.

For this situation, I am asking for anything anyone might have that sounds similar. It does not have to be with the same standards as my characters, but I am looking for tips on depicting relationships with standards: examples in literature, books with similar relationships, thoughts, anything that could help me make this a realistic depiction of Kimberly and Carter’s relationship.

Thank you!