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I awoke, and when I opened my eyes, I thought they were still closed. There was only black dark, or so it seemed. After a moment I could perceive a faint, ghostly glow emitting from the walls. I tried to sit up, but I was chained down — onto what seemed a stone slab. It was cold and I could feel it’s coolness seeping through my armor — but I had no armor. I was stripped to my tunic and of my weapons. I was defenseless. I was in the open. And then I remembered.

Jezebel. My love. NO.

I started to twist in the bonds that held me and I started to grunt and cry out when the sharp steel of the chains bit into my exposed skin. Finally, after minutes of vainful strife, I stopped. I took deep, deep, breaths and thought.

Why did he save me? He has no reason too, especially if he knows my end-plan. Maybe he wants both of his top men alive. Maybe he does value me in some small way. Or maybe he just wants to kill me himself. 

I steeled myself for the worst, my face as cold as the granite I lay on. But inside, my heart was heaving and my soul was quivering and my blood was hot. What could be worse than the death of my wife?

My death.

I knew I would die someday, it was inevitable. But I had put off thinking about it….And when I didn’t have the fire of vengeance to chase away all the fear, I could reflect on what would happen if I died. All my sins, all my transgressions, would be exposed.

But perhaps I would just turn to dust; although that didn’t bring much more comfort.

But there was a Creator. I could see that just by looking at a blade of grass or a newborn baby. Only a fool could say there was no Lord of All. And as I thought and pondered, old teachings flooded my mind. I knew there was a judgement, and I knew I wouldn’t get any mercy.

I had passed that point, hadn’t I?

I would be sentenced to a consuming fire where I would never get any rest. I would burn in sulfur for all of eternity without a single drop of water or a single heart of compassion to comfort me. The torment and torture would never stop. I would burn in a lake of fire for all of eternity. The tongues of flame leaped in front of my eyes and my skin turned hot.  Burning. Burning. Would I char and blacken? Or would I only feel the red hot pain? Burning. Burning. Would I be able to move? Would I only swim in the sizzling and bubbling and popping magma while I burned and burned and burned?

Burning.

I shivered and beads of hot sweat formed on my forehead. I started to plan, started to see if there was any way out, if there was a way I could escape the payment for my sins, the punishment for my every evil deed and every vile thought.

I was doomed.

I was lost.

I was going to suffer for forever.

I trembled and clenched my eyes shut, searching, searching, searching…..

I heard a sound. The grind of stone on stone. My eyes shot open and I strained to see against the gloom. There was a shadow among shadows at the end of the room. He stood framed in a pale light, and my heart jumped in disgust at the thought of his ignorance and the way he would act all-knowing and powerful with me tied down and defenseless. Thoughts of death fled my mind as I was distracted by his ignorant presence.

And he had conquered me under the cover of my sleep. Coward. Fool. He knew I could do his job way better than he ever could.

The robed figure made his way, silently, to my side. I knew he was trying to convey a presence of fear, but he only managed one of defiance. I scowled and ground my teeth. I could see faint red specks on his black cape and heard, faintly, a voice suggesting in the back of my mind that my blood might soon be flecked on it as well. But I hardened myself and waited for what he might say. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew it was one that sneered, and my suspicions were confirmed when he snorted and lifted a black-gloved hand to draw back the hood.

His face was young, but hard and obstinate. His eyes were a pale blue that seemed to hold no purpose, and his light brown hair fell over his forehead. He smiled, and I could see the gleam of pearly-white teeth that seemed unnatural in all the darkness.

“You have fallen, Ahab.”

I didn’t answer, for what could I say? It was the cold hard truth — but I could kill him if I was free. I wouldn’t even need a weapon.

“You thought you were almighty and powerful. I know that, because I’ve dealt with that. I’ve fought that, and I’ve proved that wrong.”

I still said nothing, for I was used to his selfish rambles.

“You thought you could…. Gain more, didn’t you?”

I showed no signs of understanding what he meant; and if I did, I showed no repentance.

“Ha,” it came out bitterly. “Enough is enough. I’ve learned a hard lesson today: there are few you can trust. Saulus is still a little…. Questionable, but I know you are a snake in the grass, Ahab. And do you know what happens to vipers?”

 

He was talking down again, acting as if his few years of wisdom surpassed the many more of mine. I just grinned at him and answered shortly, “oh, yes. I know — you behead the vile creature. Now, wise-guy, is that what you are suggesting?” My voice was hoarser than I had thought, but I knew my eyes were still bright and fiery.

His face became rigid, and I knew that look. He was offended. He was so easily offended. He didn’t say a thing but I saw his hand move to his sword hilt. I had to think fast. I shouldn’t have said what I did, but it was too late for that. I spoke, and I saw his hand falter. My words came out a little faster than I wished.

“It is cowardly to kill, boy. I’ve done it enough times to know that. It takes courage to spare. It takes a strong will to let the — the evil live. It takes a stout heart to defeat our first impulses.”

He paused for a moment, then spoke. “Then you are weak, Ahab,” he said in a matter of fact tone.

“So I might be. You always say you are stronger; more powerful. But if you do this, you will be the same as I.”

He trembled and I could see in his eyes the struggle that was going on. I continued.

“How many have you killed? How many souls have you sent to destruction?”

His eyes locked on mine, and I could see a fire long stoked now starting to burst into flame.

“I’ve killed many more than you ever could, Ahab. I’ve burnt homes to the ground. Through henchmen as pitiful as you I’ve destroyed livelihoods and shone no mercy. My hand may never have held a bloodied blade, but I am accountable for the blood of many.” His voice was cracking and I could see that I had hit a soft place. “I — I’ve done too much. I’ve done WAY too much. But I can’t turn back, can I? I’ve gone too far, haven’t I? All that’s left to me now is to finish what I started before I’m doomed.”

I felt a tug at my heartstrings. I could hardly believe it. He was echoing my own fears as if I spoke them into his mind….

“So Ahab, since I can’t turn back, all I can do is go forward. And I can’t go on with you in the way.” His voice suddenly changed to a vicious snarl. He whipped out his sword with unimaginable speed and I saw it shine in the unearthly light. My heart started thundering and I strained again at my bonds, suddenly gone from calm to beyond frantic. I could hardly hear myself speak and hardly believed it was myself speaking.

“Just grant me one wish before you put an end to me! Let me kill the one who killed my love! I promised her vengeance, and I must have it! Let me do just THAT ONE thing!” My voice started to crack and to my utter disgust my eyes started to well with tears again. I couldn’t die crying. Not in front of him.

But he just laughed. “Oh, so you’re not as smart as you put on to be, are you? You’re wrong, dead wrong, Ahab. Saulus didn’t kill your beloved wife. No — I did.”

I howled in anger and agony as I tried to break free and kill him — and the blade came plummeting down.