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@beth20

I only caught a few typos, but overall really good!

You have so many things tying togethor! I like how Marril ‘created’ Jaylin.

Sooo…Jaylin likes some girls?

And then something else… You used the old form of ‘donkey’. It’s not a bad word, just crude to humans these days. (And Jaylin very well could talk like that all the time.)

But, using questionable words could cut down the sweep of your audience. I know some people who would love your story, but the use of such words might make them tempted to book the book down. Just a suggestion and something to think about.

Again, really good! I can’t (well, I’ll have to) for the next chapter!!!