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@beth-20

Ooh, that’s really good. Your writing is so… flowing. It makes you want just to continue reading! Great job!

 

There were some problems with punctuation, but it seems like an accident. Maybe you should go over the chapter before posting it?

 

I agree to Gracie’s note. We humans aren’t machines of pure logic and rationalism, and we’ll rarely change our mind just because new facts were revealed to us, especially when it comes to things we view as basic and important – that’s why the Flat Earth Society exist 😉

Tim will probably be sure he have sunk, and now he’s dreaming or something. Jered will probably believe, Karen – maybe, but it’s not unlikely that she’ll just be sure Jered is trying to prank her.

 

It’s strange that the Ninjanarians call their world Ninjanaria, since we creatively call our world ”The World”…

 

Something that seemed somewhat unrealistic to me, is the depiction of boys crying. I don’t know how correct I am, and will be thankful for correction if I’m wrong, but generally – I think Ravi Zacharias stated it correctly:

Both are equal cerebrally, but women are more consistent in willing to let the thought be connected to the emotion. Men like to hide from the emotional ramifications of the thought.

From what I’ve seen and experienced, boys, unlike girls, will rarely express sadness. We usually will pretend we’re okay. We may feel meaningless, forsaken and heartbroken, but we will hardly cry, even when nobody sees. We tend to run away from the emotion, and to be more ”psychologically tired”, if you understand what I mean, than to cry. Or, another common thing I’ve seen, we just express anger instead of dealing with our sorrow and sadness.

Now, I don’t know how much of what I’ve said apply to men in general, but that’s what I know.

 

In general, an excellent chapter, great job! Waiting for the next chapter 🙂