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Beth replied to the topic The Four Rebels in the forum Fantasy Writers 6 years, 6 months ago
I really liked it! Especially love how the first sentence is dramatic and gets you hooked! Good job! I really liked paragraph four, beautifully written!
I have just a few critiques.
You said,
I reached the building and headed to the back door. Then, shakily reaching out my hand I punched in the code to the door.
You said the word, door, two times and it just sounds a little off. Maybe say instead,
I reached the building and headed to the back. Then, shakily reaching out my hand I punched in the code to the door.
Another thing,
A beep startled be back into reality.
Obviously you meant me lol!
Then you said,
I only needed one more code. Then I would have six and a half minutes to get away and the terrible fight would be over. Slowly I typed it in. I remember Ranwick carefully making sure we knew the password by heart…..
Desperately wishing for a different option, I slumped back into the chair. I typed in the last code needed to end this bloody fight.
You said you typed in the last code twice.
Other than that I didn’t see anything bad! Good job! -Beth
P.S. Obviously I’m not an expert writer or anything! So you don’t have to take my advice, just my opinion lol!












