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Coralie replied to the topic Cook and the Darger in the forum Critiques 8 years ago
@skredder I liked it! It makes me really want to check out your novel. I enjoyed the characters. I got the brother/sister vibe from them, but I did not initially imagine them to both be sixteen! I was thinking Casse was older (maybe around sixteen, or even older? Around nineteen?) and Aldred was much younger, say…ten to twelveish? I’d certainly like to see more of them. Cook seemed…slightly unrealistic and kind of like a cliche cook…:-/ I mean, I wanted to like her, but I didn’t get much of her. The Darger kind of reminds me of like a flying squirrel. I was confused by the bird wing description, and I initially thought it was like some kind of rare creature that Cook was trying to capture, not get rid of.
I liked the flip where the tension and danger kind of melts into more of a fluff piece. It did seem to wrap up rather quickly. I think I’d have liked a few more details about the chase. Sounds, sights, smells. The critter squealing at nearly being caught or someone’s hands closing over empty air. You did some chitters and had some scampering, but I guess I kind of just wanted a little bit more. How did the stew smell? Did the smell permeate through the kitchen like any other day or did the other spilled foods somehow mix in with the smell? Doesn’t Cook have any scullery maids or servers or anything running in and out of the kitchen? Where were the clanging pots and squishy mops or hanging rags or warm fires?
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and would love to see more! Thanks for sharing!!












