Activity

(First off, major apologies for being so late to this. I was all kinds of motivated when I said I’d check out this forum, and then… I got sick. *wince* Now, that aside…)

Oooo, very intriguing blurb! As Coralie said, it looks very professional! I notice you use a lot of active-voiced sentences and strong nouns and verbs to say a lot with very little. =D

Unlike Coralie, I did definitely get fantasy vibes from this blurb, mostly because there’s a religion we know nothing about without having first read your story. I have yet to read a story with a made-up religion that’s not fantasy. =) I did not pick up from the blurb that it’s dystopian, but the more I think about it, the more it doesn’t surprise me that the blurb is for a dystopian book. The theme of “what character X thinks is true is unraveling” matches the tone of the few dystopian books I’ve read.

This sentence: “On the eve of her initiation into the Watchers, the religious order that governs the city of Jahan, sixteen-year-old Roshni enrages her mentor, Darice, by accidentally allowing a condemned heretic to escape.” Again, I echo Coralie and recommend you split it into two or more. It’s a lot of information for a single sentence, especially in a blurb that’s otherwise all action and swift punches. ^_^

As for the last line: “But when everyone you trust is a liar, is the truth still worth finding?” On one level, I really like it! It implies conflict, sacrifice, and an eventual triumph! On another level, though, that implied promise of the eventual triumph can be problematic. When you ask a yes-or-no question in a book blurb, the answer is usually something obvious to the audience, which can detract from interest in the journey to that answer. Additionally, dystopian fiction doesn’t usually address issues in positive absolutes. Rather than saying, “The truth is always worth finding out,” dystopian fiction tends more toward, “Well, we’ve got the truth, and we’re probably better for it, but man, what a cost…” How might you reword that last line of your blurb to make your audience think a little harder about the struggle Roshni faces concerning what’s true?

Great work with this blurb, and best of luck as you polish it! 😀