Activity

@mckinley The biggest suggestion I would make is make Ember more active. Her father calls all the shots in this story, and though she makes a decision at the end (to honor her father’s memory and care for her family) we see very little of her acting on that decision other than a few sentences at the end.

This story would possibly work better as the beginning of a longer story about Ember, in which she is forced into a more active role as the primary provider for her family. Also, that would give you more opportunity to explain what exactly happened between Alun and her father.