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  • Maddie Morrow replied to the topic Mystery Prompt War in the forum Announcements 6 years, 10 months ago

    @kb-writer
    I LOVE the first and last lines. So cool.
    I had read all your guys’ conversations prior, so I knew the detective was actually the murderer, so I really can’t tell you if the element of surprise was there for sure. I didn’t have any “eye roll” reactions where I thought it was too obvious though, so that’s good. I think maybe the part where he says it would be different if he committed the crime needs to be shortened though. I think a line or two is really good foreshadowing, but at the moment, with that much detail added to it, it feels a bit obvious. I didn’t notice that problem anywhere else though.
    I agree with what was said about the scene where Christian opens the safe. I had a hard time keeping straight which of them was saying what. Some of it didn’t sound like it should be Christian. Why would Wayne ask Christian how he knew the code? I think it needs to be more along the lines of Christian pointing out that Wayne knew the code in the first place.

    Overall, an AWESOME job. I’m really excited to see what the both of you come up with.

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