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@kate

ok first of all it was BEAUTIFULLY written! You have a gorgeous imagination. I loved the way Vasha thought back and forth and doubted. Now on to suggestions.

I think you should introduce the “tech” element of the world sooner. Maybe with a different piece of tech. It was so fantasy right up until the words “oxygen generator”.

I also think the goldfish was too understated. There wasn’t focus enough on the “beauty” of it. That should be set up a bit more too. I didn’t know why that moment made her change her mind, even with the acknowledgment of the fish being “light in the darkness”. Why was that light? What pushed her over the edge, realizing she was wrong? Also, was the goldfish bioluminescent? I think that would be a cool feature, but would make it much less “ordinary.”

And the ending left me wanting more a little too much, personally. I might write Vasha reaching for the mask, perhaps struggling, but managing it in the end. But that’s me 🙂