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@devastate-lasting

Alright, I just finished going over your story! It was quite an emotional rollercoaster — in a very good way. Most of my comments are in the document, but my additional thoughts are below:

– Try to emphasize conflict and goals more. The first half of the story, I was confused as to what Steven was trying to do and what was at stake. Only once it was revealed that Catharine was sick and Steven couldn’t risk (or wasn’t willing to risk) healing her did the goal of the story really become clear and much more interesting. Establishing these goals and conflicts quicker could make the story more gripping from the beginning.

– Using Steven’s emotions and actions more than his thoughts. Steven did a lot of thinking via internal monologue in the story, and while that’s common for first person, I think using it less could strengthen the story overall. Instead of having him mentally rant about his selfishness, it could be much more powerful to just have him remember a specific act of selfishness and wince, or something along those lines. That way, it’s easier for a reader to feel and imagine.

– Steven is adequately complex, though a little confusing at the start. He struck me as a relatively cold person from the first lines, then turned out to be a softie. Contradictions are fine for characters, but I never saw him return to that coldness, so it felt a bit inconsistent. Clarifying who he is exactly from the first lines could help him become more complex.

– The theme was woven in very well. As I mentioned at the end, you did a great job of uniting plot and character to have a story that related heavily to the theme. Great job!

Just let me know if you have any questions on my feedback 🙂