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@steward-of-the-pen Thanks so much for the feedback!

Before I edited it down, there was about 1500 more words of the story that were extremely memoiry and retrospective, mostly in the section in the beginning. We got a bit more of a sense of who the narrator is now, decades after the fact, but I decided it wasn’t necessary to the story and I needed to fit into the submission word limit =P So you’re seeing some leftover artifacts and I’m kind of glad it still shines through.

Even so, the introduction could maybe stand changing. The whole bit in the beginning was supposed to be like the thesis of an essay, but I don’t know how well it works in its current state.

If you wouldn’t mind taking the time to point out specific things in the document, I’d be grateful.

This is definitely a story close to my heart. A lot of my extended family have died over the past couple years, or will die in the next couple, having believed themselves to be Christians or having examined and then rejected Christianity because they don’t feel it measures up to real life. It’s done some pretty terrible things to my mom’s faith, pushing her toward universalism because she can’t bear the thought of her grandma going to Hell because she decided Buddhism made more sense than Christianity. I’m facing the same thing with my own grandma, and I guess this was my way of dealing with it.