fb

Activity

  • Libby replied to the topic Poetry Critque, pretty please? (: in the forum Poetry Discussions 7 years, 4 months ago

    @evelyn Wow, this is very beautiful!  I agree with all of Katherine’s comments and I think that half the beauty comes from its elusive vagueness and the feeling that we almost get it, but not quite.

    One small tidbit of a suggestion:

    And hope has never been there,

    To come and hold their hand.

    I think these lines are some of the most beautiful in the piece, but I think that their effectiveness is just a bit marred by the “and” right before “hope”.  Perhaps, if you were to remove that and to add to the end of the line before it an em dash, it might leave a more powerful impact.

    Also:

    To wade the world with nothing,

    To stare with grayen eyes,

    To wander, lost among the souls,

    And everything despise.

    While this is so shiveringly (is that a word? ;)) poetic, it’s not complete.  There is no resolution to the sentence.  Honestly, I am not someone who should be saying this – I mean, I do this all the time.  So, if you like your poem the way it is, I think that’s alright.  These are just the points that stick out most to me.

    Hey, thanks for sharing with us!  It really is an almost magical piece and I can’t wait to see where you go with it!

Pin It on Pinterest