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@theinvizibleman I just finished going through the document and leaving some comments. You have a really cool story here — it felt like a sci-fi but the military aspect made it even more interesting.  Besides my comments, here are my thoughts:

– The situation was a bit confusing. You explained what was going on, but since I wasn’t grounded in a particular character or setting, it didn’t make much sense. The concept was great and a lot of action was happening, but I couldn’t picture any of it. Slowing down a little to describe things more deeply might help clear things up.

– It seemed the scene started out in Mr. Pawly’s POV, then switched to Aldo’s, which made it a bit confusing. The scene might be stronger if you kept with Aldo’s the whole time, or switched to a deep POV rather an omniscient one. That also might help ground the reader in the scene more, as they’d be seeing through the character’s eyes rather than an “all-seeing-eye,” if that makes sense. It could also help eliminate all the info provided in the first paragraph and spread it out over the rest of the chapter/prologue.

– I mentioned it in the document, but it was great how clear your terminology was. I’m personally very unfamiliar with it, so I was a bit confused, but if your target audience knows it, you probably wouldn’t need to explain it. If they don’t know it, it would probably be fine to use it, but use less of it and explain some of the terms.

Those are my thoughts. You did a great job hooking me with the first scene here 😀