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Katherine Baker replied to the topic A (Short) Story Of Mine in the forum Knaphollow Writing Discussions 7 years, 3 months ago
I did see it, but completely forgot I had (I was super busy when I looked at it and didn’t have time to get back with you).
I loved this part! It’s like I’m beginning to unravel the mystery. Here are a few thoughts:
1. That sarcastically fueled wit I knew so well brimmed within her words. – This sentence was a bit too long for me to digest. Maybe shorten it up.
2. As an overall point, you want to avoid bringing back the same scenario you just used, or it will feel repetitive. Is there another way to get these points across without him having (what I think is) a super vivid imagination of her again? I cringe as I suggest this because I loved their dialogue here. I just feel like if she’s left, she shouldn’t come back a moment later. It takes away from the feeling of finality the second time. Maybe you can merge this and the prior part and delay her disappearing?
Other than that, it was simply beautiful. Like @donna-darling said, you are masterful at evoking emotion. I loved it!










