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Let’s do this thing. I’m pretty sure I haven’t posted this one. Uh, a few people I’ve seen on here or I know of (few though they may be): @parker @i-david @evelyn @kr-lalonde @the-fledgling-artist @libby @h-jones @cassiehartfinh @ithinkthat’severyonewhomightslightlyknowmebutanyoneelsefeelfreetoreadandcommentorwhatever

 

Yellow Light

(NOT intended to be based off the OMAM song, but, oh well.)

 

I moved silently through the night, my fears floating behind me, wishing to pursue. But they were not my shadow, and I would not let them cling to me. I brushed them aside and stepped out into the unknown. My mind was vast, but I knew what I was looking for; it was the glen between the mountains, leading into the gloomy forest. That valley had captivated me, and I could not set my sights elsewhere.

I reached out deeper and flew further. I was spinning, I was gliding, and I was on the clifftop. It fell away beneath me as I plummeted to the earth below. I melted into the ground, and rose at the edge of the forest. The sky was fading into twilight as I entered the forest, the voices rippling past me in whispers.

I stepped forward with a deeper determination, pushing back against the barriers making my head hurt. I strained, finding each step a struggle. I could just barely make out the yellow light glimmering far in the distance, and this time, I was desperate to reach it. It was the only way to accept the past, the only way to understand the future, the only way to live in the present.

The trees closed in tightly, and when I tried to spot the sky through the tops of their webbed limbs, I saw dusk falling fast and crashing down from the clouds to surround me. I pushed forward, relying on my memorization of the terrain when I could not see my own feet. The darkness was crawling all around me, as the beam of light grew closer, swimming in the cool mist.

And suddenly, a quiet voice, somehow chilling and deeper than darkness, broke through the fog. “The cost is heavy. Are you prepared to pay?”

I stood a little straighter, pulled my jacket a little tighter. “I am.”

The light began to shine, brighter and brighter, until I was blinded by it; it was swallowing me, and I disappeared in its glow. It has begun.

The memories came on so strong that for a moment I didn’t remember where I was or who I had become. All I felt was the past, suffocating me.

The smiles and tears alike made my heart ache for different reasons. I was emerged in one summer day on the beach with my family, the sun on our skin as we splashed in the waves. I wrapped myself in the cries of a baby, saw her jewel eyes, and saw the awe and wonder washing over us as we held her in our arms, her tiny fingers gripping ours. I laid my head on my pillow, damp with tears. I tasted the steaming tea against my lips, curled in my favorite hoodie. There were strong, warm arms around me, and I heard my father’s voice. I met emptiness and dead flowers and hollow tears and stiff suits and fake smiles. I felt the loneliness of one month, and the elation of another. The tingling ache of longing, for so many things. My heart in my throat, tears in my eyes; memories and images and smells and sounds that stirred up so many emotions.

I finally collapsed in the emptiness; spotless, white, but no longer blinding. A hollow nothingness surrounded me, and I was one with it. It was dark and light at the same time. I was on the floor, on my knees, face in my tear-soaked hands, and my soft wings drooping, wounded, brushing against me and wrapping around me. I was my only comfort.

The next second, I was in the same position, but in complete darkness, with the stars glowing beneath my palms, now pressed against the transparent ground. Was it glass? How was it clear? All I knew was I could see and feel everything, and all I saw was darkness, and the stars. All I felt was my own loneliness.

I peered towards the stars, pressed my palms harder, hoping to feel their warmth. But they were too far away, just like everything else. I was utterly alone. This had been my eternity. Would be my eternity. The voice whispered to me, “This is the price you chose to pay.”

I wiped the tears from my face, and rose shakily to my feet. Far, far in the distance, I saw the yellow light, glowing faintly, pulsing, beckoning me. I knew deep inside that it had been there all along, but I had been too focused on everything so far below me; everything I could never reach.

As I continued to walk forward, the forest formed, unfurling around me as I lost myself in the trees. Silence reigned, and all I heard was my own footsteps. I was alone, but I was not afraid, for I felt the presence of my memories pressing around me like the dearest friends.

Will I ever reach my goal? Will I ever complete my quest? The days when the pain overtook me often made it just too much to take. The same memories that proved my heartwarming friends also became my greatest enemies, the reminders of my grief and all I had lost. Why did I ever let go? But it was too late to go back. And so I traveled, eyes ahead, marching steadily onward toward the unfailing yellow light.