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Thank you so much for critiquing this for me, @lydia-writes. I really appreciate it.

Okay, yeah. I understand what you mean about more mysterious. I am definitely going to have to work on that. And making it sorter. True, there is a lot of information, but it’s supposed to be like that. I’ll try to make it a little less “info dumpy” though. It’s just that the prologue is from a different POV from the rest of the book(with the exception of a couple chapters) so I want it to be full of information that Frederick knows but my MC doesn’t know yet. Does that make sense? There are going to be some complicated things that my readers will have to know but they can’t get that information from my MC. But, I get your point.

Yeah, I get what you meant by long paragraphs and long sentences. I was kinda trying to get more details in there, but I’m starting to see that if I leave out some of those details it will probably seem more mysterious and a bit shorter. So that should help a little.

I was kinda trying to experiment with Frederick’s character a little bit. Like, since it’s from his point of view, it’s kinda formal. And then the other chapters are supposed to seem a little more… Insecure? Childish, I guess? Just because my MC is a kid(17). But, I may have used long paragraphs and sentences in her  POV also, so… I’ll do some experimenting with that.

I’m glad you’re interested with what happens next because my next critique will be in Chapter one, which I  believe needs a lot of help. 😁