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@lydia-writes

THAT SUNSET PIECE IS AWESOME! It flows well. I would add a semicolon after “The sun is burning everything it touches.” It would preserve the flowy-ness and improve the readability of the sentence. 🙂

As for embarrassing dialogue, I’ve had my share.

Mostly it’s because I don’t know how to write the character who is talking… Example:

“What are you doing with a prisoner in my office, Deputy?” The Chief asked, looking up from a file.
His desk was disgusting. He was the stereotypical “donut cop,” except five times worse; his desk and paperwork were covered with all sorts of sweets and crumbs. He was fat, too.
I hated him.
“I want permission to accompany this prisoner to the Dragon as soon as possible, Sir.” I stated clearly. “I need a file, he needs the prison uniform.”
The Chief eyed Russ as he stood. “Who is he?”
“Russell Callirn, engineer at DB Industries; arrested for arson and attempted treason.” I stated robotically.
He sniffed.
“Tell your brother to stop hiring Revolutionists,” the Chief said, thrusting the file at me with pudgy fingers.
“I will do that, Sir.”
The Chief moved to unlock a cabinet behind his desk. He pulled out a leather bundle and threw it at me as if it were a paperweight. “There, take him to the Dragon.” He sat back down. “Good riddance.”