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@scarletimmortalized This is very meaningful – I think – and I like it a lot!
Rhythm-wise, I think perhaps there were a few places that could be polished a bit, but if you aren’t really concerned about that, it’s not really trippy and you don’t need to take any of my advice 😉 It’s just a bit inconsistent.
Actually, can I just email you my comments?  It might be easier to edit in a word doc. than just typing everything out in one of these comment boxes.  However, I totally understand if you don’t want to.  Thanks for sharing these!  You have some great stuff here!  Now I really want to read your story!