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@sesi I don’t mind it so much. If it doesn’t work, we can change it.

So, just so we’re all on the same page, here’s a list of things I did intentionally. Or at least tried to do.

If you’d rather not know, don’t read further.

Forgive me if I’m painfully obvious.

– I know I said this earlier, but just to be complete, I tried to build the intensity of the prose as the story progresses. He goes around the bowl three times, (“Oh, the human is out” marks the beginning of each round) and each time around I tried to push the prose pedal down a little more. Let me know how I did on this.

– Also, inspired by a comment from r-j-karas, I decided to de-escalate his desire for the human’s attention, until the end where he’s content. Or to put it another way, I escalated the fish’s contentment. Or tried to. Which is kind of the opposite of what she suggested, but I feel this fits better. Let me know what you think.

– I never describe the human’s face/facial expression. I didn’t think a fish would be able to recognize facial expressions.

– That’s also why the cake isn’t food. I focus on the visuals, because that’s what the fish experiences.

– I tried my best to keep things as simple as possible. Which means, basically, that I don’t go into complicated descriptions of everyday objects just to stay in voice. That’s also why I didn’t try to describe water distortion of images or sounds. He’s lived in a fishbowl all his life, he won’t recognize distortion.

Sorry. I go so hard on it because I hate unnecessary complications.

Aaand… I guess that’s it.