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  • Wordsmith replied to the topic Romance… *nervous cough* in the forum General Writing Discussions 8 years, 2 months ago

    @anne-of-lothlorien

    Hey! I really enjoyed that! My favorite part is the beginning:

    ‘I didn’t know what to do. The whole town stood there, waiting for me to speak, waiting for my decision.

    “Hey, um, just so you know.” Clay stepped forward, hands shoved into his pockets. There was something in his eyes… I tried to look at his feelings, but there was so much there, such a swirling maze that I couldn’t see discern one thing from another.

    “Just so you know, I… I want you to stay.” He met my gaze and suddenly it was crystal clear what lay soft and gentle in his heart, spilling out into his words. “I want you to stay,” he repeated. “Please.”’

    The reason this is my favorite part is this. Because I don’t know the back story, I have to create a backstory just from what is being said. So here is what It seemed was happening to me. She is being pressured somehow to leave, or had been pressured to leave. She is sad because for the longest time he didn’t say anything regarding whether or not he wanted her to stay. She’s felt rejected, and then at this point, where she is under pressure and might be about to “step on the bus”, even certain people in the crowd want her to stay, she still wants to leave because she feels rejected by him.

    Those are the dots my mind created… That somehow she felt let down and unwanted, and he steps forward “the knight in shining armor”. Almost as though even if people don’t want her to stay, she will because he will brave it with her as a protector. That he steps in as that role. (Also… I want to think that within his gentle spirit, there is a lion that we see glimpses of throughout the story, that kind of come to fruition here, as he steps forward, offering that lion as her protector, not just someone who comes out every no and then in great need.)

    So! I really like your ending, and what I just said is how my mind connected the dots. That’s not how you have to do it, but it feels like the kind of thing that would make for a great hopeful ending. We see the man of the story open himself as her courage, not just a friend who will consul her, but a friend who will be her courage as one.

    Sorry… I am having way to much fun with this! And I hope it doesn’t dampen your spirits if this is not what you had in mind. I just kinda have a thing for super courageous guys who are not corny and actually want to marry and end up marrying the girl.

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