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  • ScoutFinch190 replied to the topic Does my world have too many details? in the forum Fantasy Writers 3 years, 4 months ago

    At the gym, again. Marian’s feet pounded as she dashed on the treadmill, she wiped her forehead, puffing. She briefly patted her pocket, the necklace was still there. If she wore it, it would stay on better, but no, that would be too much.

    “Marian?”

    She stumbled, the treadmill shutting off as she caught the rail. “Leo.” She caught her breath, “What’re you doing here?”

    “I come here every day.”

    Marian nodded. Gulping in more air.

    “I thought the treadmill would catch fire.”

    Marian shook her head, “I’m fine.”

    Leo raised an eyebrow, “What do you even do for a living?”

    “Exterminator.”

    He raised his other eyebrow. “Hm…”

    “What do you do?”

    “I’m a detective…” he hissed through his teeth, “Sort of.”

    Marian nodded. “Cool… I have to get back to running.”

    Leo nodded, saying “Nice seeing you.” And walked away.

    Marian continued running. Her watch buzzed, and she held it to her ear, “Thought you couldn’t make phone calls.”

    “I’m on break.” Tammi lowered her voice, “Got the info.”

    Marian nodded. “Really? Thank you.”

    “Yeah, sorta.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “Well, it says Fabian was released from the hospital to his parents, but that’s it. and Jake…” Tammi hissed through her teeth.

    “What?”

    “Well, it says he’s donated.”

    Marian turned off the treadmill, standing still. “What?”

    “I’m sorry. He’s been donated.”

    Marian said, “O-ok… thank you…” with a shaking hand, she hung up and her arms fell to her sides. She stared out the window.

    “Hey, are you still using that?”

    Marian jolted, seeing a woman standing with her arms crossed. She nodded, adjusting her hood and stepping off.

    She left the gym, standing on the dingy street for a moment before walking, numb. Fabian was still in one piece for now, but Jake… who knew? People didn’t talk about what happened after they donated themselves… if they ever got out alive.

    She wound up in a park with artificial trees, a mockery of Atlantis’s arbor giants. She slumped, sitting underneath one and looking around at the more manicured place she’d wound up in. She sighed, her body feeling weak and dizzy. She leaned against the trunk, feeling a slight cushioning effect to protect people if they crashed into it, giving it a painfully distant and artificial feel. She closed her eyes, trying not to cry.

    “Marian?”

    She looked up, Leo stood, frowning. “You look sick.”

    “I’m fine.” She said in a harsher tone than she preferred to use.

    “Yeah I’ve said that too many times to believe it.” Leo crossed his arms. “You sure you wanna leave it at that?”

    “I just got some bad news. That’s it.”

    “Ok. I won’t pry.” Leo rubbed the back of his neck, “I was hoping to ask since you said you were an exterminator… do you happen to know someone named Jake?”

    Marian blinked. “I did.” And left.

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