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  • ScoutFinch190 replied to the topic Does my world have too many details? in the forum Fantasy Writers 3 years, 4 months ago

     

    Here’s part two!

    (However, as a forewarning, there is a part in this installment that while it is dialed back, Jake contemplates suicide, and also, Marian doesn’t eat much (not in an anorexic way, in more of a ‘I don’t notice that i need to eat’ kind of way) Just wanted to inform you as a courtesy even though I know that it’s not necessarily taboo)

    Again, no in-depth critique is needed, I’d just love to know what you think and if I’m staying true to the characters and I’d love to know what you think of Leo. 😊

     

    A few hours later…

    Fabian lay on several hospital beds, in a coma the doctors assumed he’d wake from shortly. His head tilted to the side, a little sigh flaring his nostrils. Marian took his hand, her stiff posture melting away as she put her forehead into his palm, feeling the smooth-but-rough texture of the scales.

    A twinge of pain pricked at her chest. She pressed her cheek against it, sensing a dull fear, grief, and confusion under the cloud of unconsciousness. She tried to communicate feelings of comfort, but her distress ate at her, and she let go, not wishing to burden Fabian with her own issues.

    She knew that Fabian might misunderstand anything that accidentally made its way into his mind, like how her own worries had clouded her attempt to tell Jake discreetly that Fabian would be alright. But that had failed, and she was grateful in hindsight. It was best Jake didn’t know. It was the only way for him to not cause trouble… to quietly accept his fate might be easier than letting him struggle and suffer trying to reunite with someone who may not want to see him again.

    Fabian’s hand flexed slightly, and she rested her palm in it again, closing her eyes and raking in a breath, only letting her thoughts of calm through.

    “Step away.”

    Her concentration broke, and she stood as a headache began to form. “What?”

    “Leave.” An older woman stood in the doorway, but it was hard to see her exact age through the makeup and surgeries that pulled back her skin, and her brown, slick ponytail was likely dyed, but she looked to be in her fifties.

    Marian stepped to obstruct the woman’s view of Fabian, saying, “What are you doing here?”

    “She has proper I.D.” an enforcer came in, stepping past the woman, saying, “And last I checked, you weren’t supposed to be here.”

    “But I’m–”

    “There’s the door pointy ears.”

    “I’m an exterminator, so technically Fabian falls under my jurisdiction too.” She squared her stance, “I won’t leave Dr. Saunders’s side until I can assure his safety.”

    “Last I checked,” he gave a jagged smile, “that’s still an enforcer’s job, not an exterminator’s.”

    The woman adjusted her gauzy shawl with an impatient jerk, making enough movement to silently interrupt them. “An exterminator can prevent me from seeing my son?”

    Marian gave the woman a pointed glare, “I thought that Fabian’s mother would be more understanding.”

    The woman’s blood-colored lips tightened into a line. “Now will you prevent me from seeing my son?”

    “I suppose I can’t.” Marian offered her the seat, standing by the window.

    “Why aren’t you leaving?”

    “I can stand guard, you’re more than welcome to stay.”

    Vigga’s nostrils flared, “He’s no longer under your jurisdiction.”

    “He’s my friend as well as your son.”

    Vigga smirked, “I can command you any way I please.”

    “But the exterminators aren’t a part of the Institute.”

    Vigga’s smirk broadened, “As of an hour ago, you work for me.” Her voice increased in severity, “So leave before I have your job.”

    Marian clenched her jaw. “Where’s your proof?”

    Vigga turned on her watch, lifting it to show a hologram of a certificate, claiming that the exterminators now worked as an extension of the Institute.

    Marian didn’t move, glaring.

    “If you want I could call up your boss.” Vigga smirked, “But he may fire you for noncompliance.”

    The office beside her put his hand on his taser. “Or arrested.”

    Marian’s gaze flicked between the two of them. Finally, she muttered. “Don’t hurt him.”

    “I’m his mother.”

    Marian glided past her, “Regardless, you’d better not. Or I will find you.”

    “And do what?” Vigga taunted.

    Marian paused at the door, prepared to make a threat, but closed the door instead.

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