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  • ScoutFinch190 replied to the topic Does my world have too many details? in the forum Fantasy Writers 3 years, 4 months ago

    A scraping sound pulled Jake into consciousness. After floating in a limbo between sleeping and waking, his gaze focused on a dark ceiling with little golden spores floating in the air. Where was he? Then he recalled the fight with the thrid, and a shudder went down his spine… had Paris found him after he failed? What would he do to him now? As he tried to turn his head he froze and cringed, waiting for the pain to subside.

    The surgeries that repaired and transformed his face into an angular bastardization of what it once was were able to lessen the pain, but the surgeon wasn’t skilled, and skin was still healing in places, leaving faint, sometimes prominent, shadows of the pain from the attack. A cruel joke of Paris’s. But at least he had no more burns.

    When Jake was able to rotate his head, he was relieved to find he wasn’t about to be tortured for his failure. Nonetheless, he didn’t know if it’d be a worse shock than seeing the thrid.

    It was seated at a workbench, picking apart the bolt-gun with meticulous care and washing the individual pieces. It wore pants, but its exposed chest revealed muscle rippling under its scales. Jake gulped; that monster could easily tear him to pieces. He felt an unpleasant shrinking feeling, the same sensation he’d gotten when he was at the portal and by the generator. This thing was too large, too strong.

    Jake reached for his knife; his heart fluttered – why was he in his underwear? His hand clasped at his neck, a sigh as he felt the familiar necklace chain eased out of him, supposing thrids wouldn’t really care for women’s jewelry.

    Jake’s attention turned on the beast’s handlike claws. They were strong and dexterous as they scrubbed some dried black gunk off the surface of the gun’s barrel. He frowned. An anthropomorph? No brainer Paris wanted the body back along with whatever he had to steal. This was anything but common. Scientists galaxy-wide had been trying to make something like this, and it would only increase the Institute’s prodigious reputation to claim this thing as its own.

    Jake turned his attention to the rest of the room, scanning for any exits, or weapons. There were metal walls and floor, their dented surfaces scarcely reflecting the warm light coming from horizontal windows along the ceiling and glowing spores pouring from several packed containers. But from where Jake lay in an alcove bedded with musty tarps and emergency blankets, there was no way to see the exits… nor any reachable weaponry. A snap sounded, and his gaze fixed on the furnace again, breathing a sigh of relief to see that the fire was still safely inside its container, providing treacherous warmth. He tried to see if there was anything a stray spark could set ablaze nearby, but he couldn’t see anything to worry about, from this angle.

    Jake pushed himself upright before his right arm buckled. He rolled his crippled limb out from under him with a stifled grunt. His gaze travelled from his solitary ring and pinky finger shriveled with burn scars, the purple bruise that covered much of his side and equally burned chest, to where the grey sheets should have draped over his right leg. What was he doing here? Waiting to become the thrid’s dinner?

    “Ah, uh, hell… hell-o.”

    Jake froze, turning slowly towards the thrid.

    The monster set its work aside, its round eyes staring at Jake, “Do ya… y-ou… you feel alright?”

    Jake answered slowly as he propped himself up with his undamaged arm, “Fine,” His voice scratched against his tender throat, and he coughed.

    “T-talk qu-ieter. Your th-roat is still tender.”

    Jake nodded, saying, “Why’m I in my underwear?”

    The monster glanced to the part of the room Jake couldn’t see, then went back to his work, “I h-ad to clean that stuff off you and w-anted t-o make sure that ya – you… weren’t hurt. Your s-suit had a few l-leaks at the neck.”

    Jake raised an eyebrow.

    “You should be fine, I gave you an injec-injection of at-ath-anasia. Your thrat – ugh, throat – will feel better soon.”

    Jake frowned, how did it know what athanasia was? Did it know how much it cost? “Thanks… I guess.” He frowned as the thrid narrowed his eyes at the button on the side of the gun, “What are you doing with that?”

    “I’m cleaning… and… trying ta… to see how it’s m-ade.” The thrid was reassembling the gun now, and he aimed it, dry firing.

    Jake grimaced, “Please don’t do anything else.”

    The thrid set aside the weapon, “I w-was never that good with this kind of thing.”

    Jake pushed his hair behind his shoulders, “How long was I out?”

    “Several hours.” The thrid got to its feet, “I should check yar… your vitals.” it approached Jake.

    While the monster had no aura of malice about it, and Jake recognized the instrument, he could not help shrinking back when he realized that he appeared as a child next to this technological advancement. The monster squatted beside him, “Settle down, I w-on’t…” it shut its eyes and mouthed the next word before forcing it to its throat, “Hurt… you.”

    Jake’s attention was drawn to the thrid’s large eyes as they peered down the long muzzle. They were an unnatural, chemical blue. Even though he still had slit-pupils, they were oval, almost human. He leaned away, the expression in those eyes held pain that was hard to fathom. It has to do with his lack of facial muscles.

    The thrid took hold of Jake’s wrist, trying to feel his pulse. Jake pushed the hand away, seeing the frustration in the monster’s face as he tried to feel Jake’s neck instead. Shouldn’t he know his fingertips are too thick to feel something like that? 

    The thrid asked Jake if his heart felt alright, if it was easy to breathe, and other such questions. But all of the attention was far from pleasant, the thrid’s palms were frigid, and so huge that Jake felt a flick from its pinky finger could put him in intensive care.

    When all was done, the thrid said, “Good. B-ut you are still w-weak… you should rest for a bit before trying to go anywhere.” The monster went out of view and returned with an oversized jacket. “You can wear this to keep warm.”

    As Jake reached for the garment the thrid said, “I don’t think that you can m-manage the f-fastening, you want me to help?”

    “I’m fine.”

    “Oh.” The monster rubbed the soft spines along the back of its neck, “I gu-ess that it is warm.”

    “Understandable,” Jake took the jacket, “You are cold-blooded.”

    The monster’s face deteriorated into a slight grimace. “I’ll get you some food and a drink… you m-ust be hungry.”

    Jake guided his right arm through the sleeve as the monster went away. What was the creature doing here of all places? The metallic sound of a drawer opening and closing brought Jake back to reality. He shook his head; he wasn’t here to think about why the thrid had come to this dumb rock.

    The monster returned with a food bar and a metal bottle, “Here.”

    Jake took the bar and nibbled at the edge, then sniffed the bottle’s contents. Satisfied that neither were poison, he began to eat, “Where am I?”

    The monster gestured around the room. “M-y hut.”

    Jake swallowed a sweetened chunk of the bar, “But where is it?”

    “You want curdinits… ugh…” the monster rubbed his forehead,  “I mean, c-oord-inates?”

    Jake raised an eyebrow, “You know about those?”

    The monster straightened, a little offended, “Yes, everyone does.”

    Jake pushed his hair behind his ear, “Hm.” He looked at the places he had hit the monster; there were light dents, but there was still no sign of bleeding. He frowned.

    The thrid pulled up a stool and sat by Jake, “Why’d you try t-o kill me? Are you getting paid?”

    Maybe I should shoot it in the mouth next time… “In a sense.” Jake sipped his drink. The dynamic of this relationship was obvious, what point was there in lying? “But then why am I here?”

    The monster looked down and away, running his hand along the back of his neck, “I don’t know exactly why. Pr’aps – ugh! Per-haps – because people should help each other more than they do…” The monster shrugged and looked down at his hands. “I don’t want people to die.”

    Jake hmphed, “From my experience, people only help others if they intend to get something from them –” He crossed his arms, “Seriously, why did you bring me here? There’s no such thing as simple motives.” A smile played at the corner of his mouth, “Just look at Humans and Enteks. Nobody can be that naïve nowadays.”

    The monster stared at him for a long moment, then got up and muttered, “Because,” he sat by the workbench, “There’s enough death and killing in this w-world.”

    “Well, if that’s the case, I’d like to know what you’re gonna do to me.”

    “I… intend to let you go. By the w-ay, what’s your nim – I mean – name?”

    Jake narrowed his eyes, “Why d’you need to know?”

    The  thrid  shrugged, “I want to call you by your name. should I just go around calling you killer?” The monster held out his hand, “I am Fafian,” he frowned and looked down, saying slowly, “Fa-b-ian.” Fabian gestured towards Jake, “And yours?”

    Jake moved with difficulty as he shook the beast’s hand. This was a monster that shared his brother’s name – that was it. “You can call me Jade. If you want to know my job, I suppose it’s obvious.” Jake downed the last of the drink and wiped his mouth, “And it doesn’t take much brain-power to know that you probably survive for a living unless there’s some hobby of yours or something that you do besides that.”

    “I survive…” Fabian shook his head, “Are you after m-y brain?”

    Jake laid down and studied the ceiling, “Attached to your body, preferably.” What was Fabian avoiding? Was it something to do with the chemical? Why was he concerned about his brain? He twisted the bar’s wrapper. Why was he sent to kill something so docile?

    Fabian sighed, “Why am I relea-sing you?”

    Jake put his arm under his head. “You said it already, you’re sick of death and have some strong morals for a…” he waved his hand dismissively, “whatever you are.” This was beginning to feel like talking to his little brother. He rubbed his sternum. His brother’s memory kept on clinging to him, like the boy had in life… at least before everything went south.

    Fabian cleared his throat and rubbed his neck again, “You should begin to get ready now, evening’s closing in. The days here last long, nights even longer.” he lifted the metal arm from somewhere out of Jake’s view and laid the bionics on the bed. “You can ga… ugh, go home.”

    Jake slid his limb into the bionic arm, the reassuring pressure as it reattached itself to him soothed his tight skin. Jake’s brow furrowed as he moved his arm about: “Why’re you allowing me to leave?”

    Fabian looked up, “Don’t you have a life?”

    Jake laughed, his voice hollow to even his own ears.

    Fabian disappeared behind the wall, “Why did you laugh?”

    Jake pulled on his metal leg, bending the knee and foot joints as it fused to him. “You talk nonsense. Like my—” Jake cleared his throat, “a-a friend of mine.”

    Fabian reappeared with Jake’s backpack, he scratched the back of his neck, “Do I?”

    Jake stood, “You’re way too optimistic.” He smirked to hide a frown, “The universe is just a big accident. I’m dumb enough already and I understand it.” Jake swept a hair out of his eyes, “Where are my clothes?”

    “That’s a sad way to l-ive.” Fabian went into the next room again before reappearing with Jake’s clothing, “What point is th-there in existing if you’re not here for a p-purpose?”

    Jake shook his head as he began to get dressed, “I may look like I’m young, and I am – relatively speaking – but…” his carefree expression creased, “I’ve lived long enough to know there isn’t.”

    Fabian leaned forward, “But don’t you think that –”

    Jake popped the collar of his suit, “You did a decent job cleaning up this stuff.” He picked up his backpack and examined it, “You’ve been quite busy.”

    Fabian put the knife in his pocket, “I… haven’t much to d-o.”

    Jake rolled back his shoulders, “I can see it being pretty boring here.” But it won’t be for long. He rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging and saying, “But what can you do?”

    Fabian said: “I c-an show you the way out.” He handed Jake his backpack. “But I won’t give you your w-weapons.”

    Jake slung his burden on one shoulder, rolling his eyes, “How gracious of you.”

    Fabian’s eyes widened, and he stared openly at him.

    “What?”

    Fabian wordlessly motioned Jake to follow him. They entered a small front room and approached a door made from a piece of tarp, a golden glow seeping around the frayed edges. Jake paused and glanced around the room; his blaster was in the farthest corner among a forest of cleaned tools, mostly for prying, digging, and cooking.

    Fabian pushed aside the tarp. Jake squeezed past and in one expert motion his hand slipped into Fabian’s pocket and drew out the gun, hiding it in his backpack as he stepped into a fungus garden.

    For a moment Jake’s eyes followed the contour of the varicolored shapes as they curved and rippled over every surface of a room big enough for a whole living complex. He sighed and shook his head, dispelling the languid hovering of glowing spores that softened his angular features. There was no time to admire even the prettiest of spectacles. Anyway, he had gone to find some semblance of peace in fungus gardens so often the sight wasn’t that captivating.

    “Y-Y-ou w-ill need these… a b-blizzard’s c-coming.”

    Jake turned to Fabian, whose scales had lost some of their blue pigment, What’re you scared of? His gaze caught a stairway leading to a door with a crank in it. “Are we inside the generator?”

    Fabian stared at him fixedly and didn’t respond.

    Jake repeated himself.

    “Oh! Y-Yes.” Fabian looked at a small tankard he was holding, “I m-made the hut, its w-armer there than the rest of the building.” Fabian offered it to Jake, “Y-You need this.”

    “What is it?”

    “Bottled oxygen.”

    Jake squatted in front of his backpack, “I doubt I’ll need it.”

    Fabian’s eyes fixed on Jake. “If it’s b-blizzarding ou-t there – the ice dust will lower the o-xy-oxygen, and your helmet’s filter isn’t working after you breathed in the poison.” He handed Jake the helmet, “But it could still keep your head warm. And be careful, you’re stable, but for a few hours you could collapse with too much exer-tion.”

    “Fine.” Jake received the metal cylinder and donned the helmet, pretending to rummage in his bag while he prepared to spring forward, mentally planning the motion that would end Fabian’s – the monster’s – life. He rammed a magazine into the pistol.

    Fabian opened his mouth and closed it again, he stared at Jake, “Ja—?” his voice died in his throat.

    Jake bounded to his feet and pointed the gun at Fabian’s face, “Where’s the phial?”

    Fabian’s eyes widened in an expression Jake understood all too well – betrayal. But why? Didn’t it anticipate this? Was it really that innocent? “Ph-phial?”

    “The one you stole?”

    “I used it.”

    Jake raised an eyebrow, “I have trouble believing that.”

    “You were dying!” Fabian stepped forward and Jake backed away. “There was no other way.” He searched Jake’s face before looking down. “Please listen to me. There’s m-more ta this than ya – you – know.”

    Jake blinked, “What?”

    Fabian gulped and nodded, “P-lease hear m-e out.”

    “Why?” Jake shook his head, that phrase… he huffed and tightened his grip.

    “B-ut… Jake.”

    He froze, “My name’s Jade.”

    “Then why do you talk like him?”

    “There’s a lot of Jakes out there. I’m certain some of them also talk like me.”

    Fabian searched his face, he looked down and sighed, “M-maybe I w-was mistaken.” But before Jake could react, Fabian lunged forward, grabbed Jake’s gun arm, and after a brief struggle, Jake was thrown into a tunnel. He turned around as Fabian stood, staring at him. for a moment they made eye contact before Fabian threw Jake’s backpack at him and slammed the door.

    Jake fell on his back, he got up, then he swore, kicking the wall. He was an idiot. Just like he was always told. He guessed there was nothing to do but cut his losses. Maybe he could reunite with his team, play off what happened as scouting ahead and getting caught in a tussle…

    Jake turned away from the door and exited the tunnel, entering the main chamber. As he looked up at the shaft to turn the fan, he wondered what the thrid was trying to tell him anyway. How did it know my name? 

    Jake forced himself to think of the present. All he had were his clothes, the necklace, and the gun with ten rounds at his immedeate disposal… or was it nine?

    He looked out at the landscape; a blizzard had turned the scenery a solid white. Fabian said he used the phial on him. Jake sighed, well, at least it was in his blood… maybe he could ask to be put under before they drew any. But it must’ve just been athanasia, and while expensive, all this for just a phial of a chemical that could be produced and replaced?

    A woman shouted, “Hold your fire!”

    At the sound of that voice, Jake froze, becoming painfully aware of the thin chain around his neck.

    A man stepped from behind the edge of the generator and Jake dodged in time for a stun bolt to pass his ear and strike the wall behind him. The enforcer stepped forward and others emerged, training their blasters on him.

    The same clear voice demanded, “Drop your weapon.” Jake held up his shaking hands. The speaker stepped forward, her albino face in high definition in the pale light.

    Jake laid his gun between his feet, “Missed me?”

    Marian’s nostrils flared as she kicked away his weapon, “What’re you doing here?”

    “I was sent ahead.” Jake frowned, “Why’re these guys aiming at me?”

    “Don’t play the fool.” She took out her handcuffs, sighing, “Just come quietly and… maybe we can find a way to fix this…”

    Jake pushed her away, launching her with the low gravity.

    As she landed, she somersaulted and righted herself in one fluid motion, “Bad move.”

    He agreed under most circumstances. But he’d had time to retreat into the tunnel, but Marian hit Jake’s bionic leg.

    He clenched his teeth as he fell. His heart pounded as the other soldiers aimed, preparing to kill. Why was Marian such a good shot? A man stepped forward, dragged Jake out of the tunnel, kicked him onto his stomach, pressed his foot on his back, and poised his blaster.

    Jake looked over his shoulder at Marian’s steely purple eyes as she approached, adrenaline pumped through him and the clenching of his muscles ebbed away… she might just let him die. Or the enforcer would disobey her… if he didn’t give the idiot an abrupt reminder that this wasn’t standard gravity.

    “Sta!… I mean, st-op!”

    Jake turned to see Fabian dressed in his spacesuit. Wha…?

    Fabian flung up his hands, “Don’t shut – uh, sh-oot! I…” Fabian glanced at Jake, “I am Fabian. Y-ou are a-b-out to kill Jade… I mean, Jake.”

    Marian’s lips parted. Her entek mind clearly on rapid fire, overthinking the problem. Before anyone recovered from the shock of the thrid Jake’s hand went to his gun, tucking it under his chest.

    The thrid lowered his hands, “D-don’t kill him.”

    She whispered, “Who are you?”

    Fabian looked down, “I… am noduddy, ugh! Nobody.”

    She raised her eyebrows, “Then why did you tell me your name?”

    “W-ould you believe m-me if I told ya…” Fabian shook his head, “you?”

    Marian lowered her gun, “I know a liar when I see one.”

    Fabian looked up from staring at his boots, he rubbed the back of his neck: “W-hat about Jake…”

    Marian’s sharp features relaxed, her eyes warming from their usual knifelike gaze. “I can’t make promises for the safety of criminals, but I’ll do what I can to help you I promise.”

    Jake clenched his fists, was that all he was to her now? A criminal?

    Fabian gulped, “I a-m Jake’s b-rother – Dr. S-Saun-ders.”

    Marian’s eyes widened, her body going rigid.

    Fabian hugged himself so tightly his arms shook, “M-Marian p-please… hear me out… you’ve got t-o be-lieve me…”

    Slowly, she nodded, stammering, “Y-you’re alive?”

    Jake’s glove made impressions of the lining on his palm. As he leapt out from under the soldier, he roared, “Don’t lie to me!” and lunged at Fabian.

    Fabian pushed Jake away from him with such force he was flung into the blizzard, hearing Marian shout words his hot ears didn’t bother to translate as he caught himself and ran into the storm, the wind battering him in a flurry of white wrath as he heard a beating sound behind him, having no time to get his bearings before a weight smacked into him. His arms were forced at his sides, and he thrashed against Fabian’s body. Jake glowered into the stolid, scaly, face.

    Fabian forced Jake into the snow, “Jake! Sta! Ya ‘ill b-e al-right!”

    “NO!” Jake worked his arm free and fired into Fabian’s open mouth. Fabian immediately loosed his grip and fell back, one of his teeth ripping though Jake’s sleeve and scratching the back of his metal arm. Pulling away from the monster’s limp arms, he ran into the fogged distance, his hollow heart throbbing inside his chest.

    But as he ran, he began to feel his muscles moving slower as the cold seeped deeper into his form. He forced himself onward, wrapping his arms about himself and trudging through, the ground beneath him rocking with every step as oxygen-poor air squeezed his lungs. He reached for the tank, only to find that he’d left his backpack behind. The wind beat him until he was on his knees. Finally, his bionic leg deactivated, and he fell, his vision going out of focus as he saw a grey light and the emergency heat kicked on…

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