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@calidris @this-is-not-an-alien @anyone who wants to join in

*Materializes in a cloud of pink glitter while eating chocolate cake with sprinkles*

Greetings y’all, did anyone really think you could talk about one of my special interests without me enthusiastically interrupting?

Soo… Cathy, you’re ADHD, I’m Autistic, and Calidris is both. We’ve collected the full set! XD

Okay so fair disclaimer, I don’t have a diagnosis and probably won’t get one, because as y’all said, ableism in the healthcare system, assessments being ridiculously hard to get where I am, and the fact that they can use it to discriminate against you later is enough to not do it. For example, it’s often been used against autistic parents in child custody cases. That sounds like a nightmare and we live in a messed-up society, so it’s enough that I’m fairly sure that’s my brain flavor.

The way I figured this out is objectively hilarious so settle in for the story ig XD Or skip to the end if you’re just interested in representation and how it relates to writing

It all started with Calidris’ Basil, wayyy back when he was first introduced to the castle. I started picking up on Autistic vibes and very tentatively suggested it to Calidris. Before this point, I’d been researching autism for a writing project, but I still saw myself as Very Neurotypical because that’s what I’d always been told.

Anyway, Calidris was excited about the headcanon, and then we started talking about it and brainstorming about it and I was finding it very easy to come up with ideas for some reason? I really related to him, and so many of the experiences were drawn from real life. Which is weird because I was Very Neurotypical, right?

Anyway, the next plot point was that I discovered that I’d accidentally written Aydin as immensely autistic. Like… down to the details, without even noticing. Apparently, that very specific brand of social anxiety where you constantly worry about looking or acting wrong because everyone seems to know something you don’t isn’t something NT’s experience on a regular basis.

I misdiagnosed most of his traits as ‘just trauma’ even when I couldn’t figure out how it actually connected. Like, I knew Aydin hated being touched, but he was never really physically abused, so I had no idea where that came from. Also, the constant avoiding of eye contact, overanalyzing social situations, and being able to change his personality and actions to blend into an environment very easily, also being able to switch accents very easily and doing it for fun and not just necessity. Also even from the first draft of the first book he’s always had some kind of nervous fidget, even though it’s changed throughout the drafts. Yes, he was actually stimming and I never noticed.

Anyway, when I put all the traits together, it kinda fit perfectly. I was highly confused about how I kept accidentally writing Autistic characters accurately without even noticing.

By that point, Calidris, who had been watching this entire road trip of denial that literally lasted m o n t h s, very patiently suggested “Have you ever considered that you might not be as neurotypical as you thought?”

It had occurred to me, but I was both terrified of faking it and still in denial. After all, I was just neurotypical with sensory issues, social anxiety, very strong limited interests, bad executive function, and trouble in social situations, r i g h t? *Looks directly at camera*

Anyway, there was some more denial, then deciding that I must have been faking it by absorbing autistic traits by reading about them (Something neurotypicals do all the time/s) and then deciding that the only way I could figure it out was to make it my special interest for months, something that is also extremely neurotypical/s. Anyway I found the official Autistic screening tests and aced all of them with results of “Definitely not neurotypical” More research followed and I eventually ended up going with the idea even though I didn’t really tell anyone besides like three friends XD

Honestly just the fact that the majority of my close friends are ND and that they’re the only people I’ve really closely connected with should have tipped me off. Calidris and I actually experience a phenomenon that can only be described as “shared brain cell” where we frequently come up with the exact same idea at the same time, even with zero context. This happens ridiculously often. It’s hilarious XD

Also just the stereotyping?  The fact that a lot of people actually believe that autistic people don’t have emotions (some of us feel SO deeply,) or that media just portrays us as vaguely “weird” without actually exploring why we’re different and all the different aspects of that (and how some of this really is subjective.)

Oh yes! I’ve been trying to find media with Autistic characters and a lot of it is… weird at best, hurtful at worst. For some reason, they usually don’t have a purpose? Like, there’s no plot besides “Trying to exist” Also an absolute lack of agency.

I’ve found some really good stuff too but it’s kind of rare. Oh, some of y’all might have heard of the k-drama Extraordinary Attorney Woo! It has awesome autistic representation, it’s probably the best I’ve seen! It’s like a little off at some points but the intent is really good and they nailed a lot of stuff!

And otherwise, there’s always the old options of writing them yourself and just headcanoning every other character as autistic based purely on vibes XD

There are multiple characters in Haikyuu who are extremely ND coded, probably unintentionally. I really connected to them for that reason!

The downside of that is that you have to deal with people posting stuff like “You shouldn’t diagnose fictional characters with (“) mental illnesses (“) the author didn’t intend” like… chill my guy it’s hurting nobody, also the term neurodivergency includes mental illness but not everything ND is mentally ill. ND people relating to a character doesn’t contaminate the character 🙃

Tbh I think it’s also a way of exploring some of the painful parts of my past that I’ve experienced because of this while – especially with Val in particular, I just poured a lot of that pain into her and it’s honestly given me a great way to address that and work through that hurt.  It’s been very therapeutic ngl.

Yep, yep, same. It’s also a bit painful because you have to relive it all again very vividly but it’s nice to be able to share it.

But also, I just get so much joy out of the fact that all of my neurodivergent characters are so, so PRETTY like they could all be models and it makes me so happy :’)

YES! Like Kit, Basil, Val, and Julian are just the prettiest 😭

Also, that ties into a really common trope with Autistic characters. They’re always an extremely specific character type. White, between the ages of ten and fifteen, usually with brown hair, noticeably awkward, often savantly. Adult Autistic characters… aren’t really a thing, and it makes me sad. Same with older teenagers. For that reason, it’s super, super rare to find autistic love interests, or even an autistic character who is described as romantically desireable. And when they do, the story really preens themselves on the fact. I recently attempted to read a book where the last line was “And I’m the proof that autistic people can have a love life too” I wish I was exaggerating. I didn’t finish it.

A big issue of Autistic characters is that the internal narration is all wrong. It’s bizarrely clinical or odd, mostly because it’s NT people trying to guess by judging the outside. I actually found an article about that!

Just a quick warning, some of the excerpts have one or two instances of cussing.

Also, I really recommend that website! It’s an awesome resource for researching disabilities and neurodivergence in general! It has reviews of books written by people with the same disability and a ton of articles too.

Like, the majority of books with autistic characters are written for neurotypical audiences by neurotypical authors, which inevitably ends up being… wonky.

Anyway, there’s my wayyy too long ramble because I got excited XD I could talk about this all day, honestly!