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@irishcelticredflowercrown

So I think all of what you said sounds fine. I know that you’re just trying to tell a story about Cal’s pain and how she deals with it, and from the sound of it I think your heart is in the right place

Thanks! I’m glad you want her to stay in as well!

I don’t see any of my characters through those lenses but I do know that due to the terror and truama my characters have lived through, a lot of them have no interest in romance or sex because their instincts have been geared entirely towards survival, their goals and nothing else. I dunno if that counts as asexual?

Oohhh! I have some thoughts! (Like… a lot of thoughts XD)

First of all, I never thought Lorcan would be one of them XD I love that subversion actually!

Lorcan would be one of them, yes he is a flirt and a womanizer and thinks highly of himself, but everything he has endured has mostly wiped away his tendencies to want romance and physical intimacy. And he is too focused on his goals too I guess…

Well, that doesn’t necessarily make him ace, but it doesn’t make him not ace either XD

Allow me to elaborate!

Asexuality/aromanticism (They’re two separate things but they overlap in how they work in many ways) is defined not by how much a character wants it, but more by whether they experience the attraction.

So, a character could want romance and still be aromantic. Vice versa, they could not want romance and be alloromantic. If they experience romantic attraction, they’re allo! (If they experience it in a different way or to a different degree than most people, they’re likely some form of aro-spec) Exact same thing goes for asexuality!

Something that has always helped me with ‘Is this character this sexuality/neurotype or just trauma’ is to imagine them in their most healed state, either if all the bad things hadn’t happened, or if they’ve completely healed from it. Are they still that way?

You remember Aydin, right? He’s an example of a character who is allo but doesn’t feel comfortable with a relationship for a large part of the story. (He eventually slowly heals from this and does end up in a relationship, but that was kinda out of my control XD)

I think what tipped me off that he wasn’t ace was that he did experience attraction, but every time it happens he dismisses it. It still happens, he just chooses not to act on it because he’s scared.

That’s also a completely valid way for a character to handle it! Many characters do.

However, I was thinking about Aydin being autistic, because he has a ton of the traits. (He stims, mostly by tugging on his collar, you’ve seen him do that, he avoids eye contact like his life depends on it, he feels uncomfortable in social situations because he struggles to predict how people will react, he’s anxious because he feels like he might be doing something wrong, he’s constantly trying to figure out what people are thinking but never quite manages it etc. etc.) and I couldn’t imagine him not doing it. If he wasn’t traumatized, it probably wouldn’t have been the exact same way, but it’s still there to a certain degree! I can’t imagine him without it.

So, that’s a thing I discovered after I had him in the castle XD But you can see how differently the two scenarios function!

Also, Lorcan being flirty doesn’t necessarily make him allo XD Actually it would be really fun to see a flirty ace/aro character. Like, he doesn’t want it to turn into a relationship, he just finds it fun/funny to flirt with girls XD

My MC Mayra is also in a strange position regarding physical attraction, though its much much darker, any kind of physical attraction and intimacy towards humans disgusts her because of her severe truama (basically she is a victim of grooming, and physical and verbal abuse, to the point where she doesn’t know the difference between real love and manipulated love)

First of all, I feel so bad for her😭😭 That’s an awful backstory.

As for that being ace, again, it doesn’t make her ace but it doesn’t make her not ace XD

Being repulsed by romance/intimacy can and does overlap with asexuality/aromanticism, but just because they’re the one doesn’t mean they’re the other. They can be repulsed by it but still experience attraction or they can not experience attraction and be repulsed by it, or not experience attraction and not be repulsed by it! It’s kinda like a Venn diagram I guess XD

Also just going to add to something @Calidris said!

Personally, if it’s because of trauma…I’d be inclined to say no?  I think it depends on what the reasoning is.  If they’re not interested because they’re afraid, I’d say that’s (first of all terribly sad), but it’s also (in theory) reversible if they heal.  But then there’s some characters who might’ve been put off of it by trauma, but might not be interested even if they completely healed.

She basically said what I did, just in a much more concise way XD

I would like to add that trauma/other factors can cause asexuality/aromanticism, and it can change later, but that doesn’t make it less ace/aro at the time.

Basically, the only thing you really need to know about it is that asexuality and aromanticism are defined by the absence of sexual/romantic attraction. That’s it XD

Honestly, I could have just said that and spared you the infodump but I dearly love elaborating and I make that everyone else’s problem XD

Anyway… way more information than you need because this is something I find very interesting XD