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There wasn’t a chance of him making it through a dark, enclosed room ever again.

And he was bordering panic thinking about it, he couldn’t come up with a contingency for it. There wasn’t any controlling the situation or coming up with a plan. He just. couldn’t.

It was all just a haze of pain, numb and breaking into his marrow. It was like both his mind and his mouth had been gagged; he couldn’t think about it, and he couldn’t talk about it but he couldn’t forget it. It was bleeding through his brain.

Suddenly Alessio felt Nithel pull back a little. Anxiety hit through him like needles, irrationally. He knew he wasn’t there. Don’t leave me, don’t leav-! His friend didn’t let go of him, Alessio swallowed back the nausea of emotions, hoping to reassure himself. He was so ashamed of being so dependent, so weak.

‘You’re not a person.’

He wouldn’t meet Nithel’s gaze, but his friend bent down until Alessio had to look up. There were tears in his friend’s eyes, Alessio couldn’t fully grasp it. So many words filled Nithel’s eyes, words too deep for expression in any spoken language. More pain and more love than he’d ever experienced directed at him.

“You are loved,” If words could be spoken through eyes, they wouldn’t have conveyed anything close to all Nithel said.

It was more than Alessio could take.

More tears fought to spill over. Even before that his vision was blurry, distorted. Another hit of terror jarring his body. Just was all he could do just to stay half-conscious. There was too much, all at once.

Pain. That he was so familiar with, that he could never numb entirely.

And almost a glimmer of real hope, that he’d never experienced before and couldn’t even process. It was so foreign it hurt even more than the fear. But…

‘I’ll protect you,’ He had said, calmly, ‘don’t be scar-‘

“And you are not alone.”

He stared at Nithel a long time, trying to divorce his past from reality, trying to believe his friend. He needed to believe Nithel, he needed there to be some hope. Everything was cutting through all at once, it was impossible to feel anything. He couldn’t think of a single good thing to say so his mind clicked back to what was practical.

Alessio needed to find a way out of here, if he didn’t get out of here, they’d both be trapped and eventually die in this castle’s sadistic little playhouse. The first thing that needed to happen was he needed to get out of…of this room, it still smelled acidic. It was just too vivid.

After a second, Alessio tried to say something to Nithel. He knew he was grateful for everything his friend had done for him and he knew it was hurting Nithel to see him like this. He wanted so much to be ok so Nithel wouldn’t be so hurt.

“I can’t look at this room but we need to find a door!” He blurted involuntarily. He’d meant to say thank you but his brain was still begging for help and neither words were physically possible for him to express. “—I mean…”

Please get me out of this place. “I’m sorry I’m being so useles—not useful…”

Useless. He was aware that was a word that had been used against him so many times. It was crippling to realize how easily he used it against himself now. Maybe the words were a part of him now, fractures in his soul. He was so furious with himself for not being able to actually say what he meant, because every word was so traumatic it didn’t mean the same anymore and he just couldn’t translate it back to what other people heard.

“Just…need air…” Alessio managed, terrified he was going to pass out if they didn’t find an opening or a light soon.

 

😭😭😭 *why am I writing this I want my baby to stop hurtinggg*

@kimlikesart, @irishcelticredflowercrown @millennium @denali-christianson @skylarynn