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@rebekah12

It did kinda die, didn’t it?

At any rate, I’d say you might want to use pronouns a bit more?  I didn’t read through the whole thing – it’s very long and I have a very small attention span (the joys of ADHD) – but I did read the first segment, and it seemed like you used Culvin’s first name an inordinate amount of times.  I would recommend substituting a few with ‘the boy’ or ‘he/him/his’.  Similarly, ‘the Captain’ also seems overused though not to the same extent – it’s probably fine, it’s just close to too frequent.

That’s my two cents at any rate.