Activity

13: what is this short story missing, if anything?

14: can you all think of any other name for a creature than thrid or is thrid fine?

15: Am I showing instead of telling?

16:Do any scenes drag?

Thank you for reading this! (Every time there’s a seperate post there’s a ***  scene break in the original text) this story has also been polished considerably from the original, so it’s not a rough draft.

 
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Ice</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”>By Dawn Robin (ScoutFinch180/190)</p>
            Jake had never killed a monster before. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t killed before. He used to take contracts occasionally – but he preferred stealing or running cons to keep his mind occupied.

Jake knew, as he sped along the surface of the ice-moon Pagos, that this job would keep his interest. True, it would be more comfortable sipping some ambrosia while deceiving an heiress, or sneaking into a treasury cracking a safe – but doing challenging jobs always kept his mind off his troubles. He grimaced – it was difficult however when he could almost feel the HSI breathing down his neck.

They had told him to kill an experiment on a thrid and return the body to pay off his debt. Oh, and of course there was some tiny stolen phial of a chemical they wanted him to obtain as well. Jake turned into the jet-stream of an oxygen-generator, the gust shooting him forward. He had considered running away but messing with the Human Sciences Institute would be a bad idea… if he messed up, he may wake one morning to find he was no more than a lab-rat. Still, he wished they had allowed him more time before going to work. The past few months had left him weary.

Jake rolled his shoulders and focused on the screen in his visor while listening to the whirring of the hover-mobile’s engine. He veered left and followed a line of mountains that was approaching. Jake’s gaze turned to a dot indicating the location of the target shifting across the screen as numbers appeared beneath it.

He braked and the mobile glided to a stop. He turned off the engine, feeling it sink down as he dismounted. He tapped one of several buttons on the side of his helmet to activate the mobile’s tracker before switching on the cloaking device. As he watched the grey paint dissolve into the background, he hoped that it would be enough to keep Marian off his tracks. But still, he almost wished she would find him if he could convince her to not arrest him.

Jake shook his head and turned his gaze to the range of peaks, searching for the best path. There was no point in looking back, it simply wasted time. He eyed the jagged slopes pointing to the faint outline of the planet Pagos orbited. His gaze locked on a small protrusion of ice nine meters up.

Jake took advantage of the low gravity to leap to the spot. He lifted himself by his metal arm, the climb was so much easier than if he had attempted it six months ago. The bomb – but that was why he wanted to keep his mind off things.

Jake straddled the narrow summit, looking at the chemical dump spreading past the horizon – what would his brother say if he saw him now? Forced to go and kill some monster? He wrinkled his nose as the sickly-sweet smell of anti-freeze invaded his helmet, what was up with him? This was not a time to reflect.

Jake surveyed the area. More symbols indicated everything from the temperature, the gravitational power of the planet, to the distance of anything he set his eyes on. But all he needed currently was about a dark mass of machinery adjacent to the ocean. He squinted and the screen focused on a run-down generator for producing oxygen, its fan paralyzed. Even from so far away, the machine appeared as big as a hyper-ship’s main thruster.

But that was all. Where was the wreck of a spaceship that brought the thrid here? There was no sign it landed in the generator itself, and with constant wind, any furrows from scraping the snow would be gone. There was nothing to do but investigate.

Jake slid down the mountainside, the low gravity turning his descent into a smooth glide – until he fell into a snowdrift. Shivering and muttering a string of curses, he reemerged. He dusted some snow off his shoulder, Isn’t the spacesuit supposed to be able to handle these blasted temperatures? While the suit camouflaged to any environment, for all the tokens it must’ve cost it should have been warmer. The HSI probably cut some corners on his equipment… they didn’t care much about debtors.

He pressed his lips together and sighed, Marian would’ve been able get him out of this mess. Maybe if she hadn’t broken up with him, she would be able to help after – he cleared his throat, there was no time for wishing. She wasn’t here, and the last thing he wanted was an enforcer – even if it was his girlfriend.

Jake’s eyes fixed on the generator. He stepped close to the drifts, crossing his arms. He always hated being near the outside of gigantic machines, it made him feel small – like he had never shaken his childhood, when he learned how to fool a lie detector, to steal what he needed at no cost to himself… a cold fear of what might happen if he was found out. He began to move towards the machine, thinking through what he had to do as he would before pulling a heist or while getting ready to con a mark:

1: Find the thrid. Already doing that.

2: Kill the thrid. A blue lizard-like reptile armored in its own scales – although the HSI provided him with an extremely powerful blaster, a thrid’s hide had higher resistance levels than the strongest metals man had come up with… and as if it wasn’t dangerous enough, it was the size of ten grown men. For good measure he had his lucky pistol at his hip, he knew he never failed a job with that.

3: Find the phial. It shouldn’t be too hard… he was the best thief in the galaxy of course.

4: Drag the thrid over a mountain range and across the plain to his ship. Not so easy, but he could tow it with the mobile.

5: Give the scientists what they wanted and go somewhere none could find him.

Jake heard snow crunch and froze. Unseen, he dove among the snowdrifts and tapped the side of his helmet, turning the suit to white as he got a second look. He cursed under his breath. The HSI forewarned that he was going after a highly intelligent thrid and to be prepared – but he was not anticipating a creature walking on its hind legs and dressed in an exploration suit that was a far better make than his. He grumbled another expletive. It was the HSI’s project… of course it would be crazy…

The thrid’s gaze focused on the anti-freeze. Jake pressed a button on the side of his blaster, it whined as energy built inside the chamber. He glanced at a yellow cylinder by the button, only two shots before he needed another charge. He inhaled deeply as he brought the weapon to his shoulder. He had good aim, but when anxious, it was easy to miss. And he did not want a ton of blue muscle charging after him. Jake hissed through his teeth, causing the filter to rasp.

The thrid’s  head swiveled, turning towards Jake in time to see him shoot a jet of yellow light. The creature shouted as it ducked away, its hoarse voice drowning out the noise of the blast as the shot struck its shoulder.

Jake pulled the trigger again and hit the monster in the chest. It staggered and crouched, watching as Jake approached while inserting another charge. It shouted: “Sta!”

Before Jake could react, the thrid’s tail knocked his legs out from under him and he fell on his side. The thrid snatched away his blaster and fled towards the generator.

Jake pursued as he drew his pistol. The monster turned around and hit him again, sending Jake flying across the terrain and tumbling to a halt. He stumbled to his feet; blinking the stars from his vision as the thrid switched his blaster to stun. Jake tried to back away but felt the lip of the ice over the anti-freeze crumble under his boot.

Thinking in the speed of a force-field disintegrating, Jake aimed his pistol and pulled back the slide, but before he could fire, the thrid shot Jake in the chest with a purple lightning bolt and he careened backwards into the anti-freeze, his pistol flying from his hand.

The filter choked up as Jake’s muscles froze. His bionic limbs recovered, and he scrambled for the surface – but the metal made him sink like a meteor. As Jake’s lungs constricted, he was dimly aware of a hand reaching for him like death as his arms stretched upward. Then everything went dark.