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@eden-anderson While I can agree that as you say, “love wasn’t the main factor back then,” I do believe that there was a mindset of “marrying for love” and has been for ages.  The Civil War was a time of gallantry, and especially Southern Gentlemen, but also some Northerners were acclaimed for their chivalry and romance.  The difference was, back then, the romance and love didn’t stop after the marriage.  You can read many Civil War era love letters between husbands and wives, and find stories of popular girls who were courted by many distinguished men.  There are stories of Civil War heroes who died in the arms of their sweethearts/wives, and stories of women who remained in widowhood for the rest of their lives, mourning their husbands.  (Do you know the story of Queen Victoria?  That’s Civil War era, but in England. 😉 Mrs. “Stonewall” Jackson was another woman who was famous for her long widowhood.)

So while you’re right, customs were acknowledged at the time, and protocols were in place as to who you should or shouldn’t marry, don’t believe that that takes away all the romance, as there was plenty of it.

My meaning when I spoke of the “unrealistic cliche” was that it’s still applicable today.  Even now, there are types of people who marry similar types of people.  It’s still uncommon for a rich man to marry a poor girl, simply because they don’t meet very often in the same social circles, (and also because it would be very hard for him to believe she wasn’t a “gold digger”. 😛 )  It’s still uncommon for people with opposing political views to marry, and it’s still uncommon for someone to marry a person their friends and family hate.  So I think it’s the same whether you’re writing for the 1860s, the 1100s, or the 2010s.