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@nuetrobolt I’ll copy the line and then put my edit in italics. (I’m used to commenting on a document where I can comment on specific lines, so this might not be the most efficient way to do this. XP) There are a lot of them, but most of the changes are pretty minor. A lot of the edits are just altered punctuation or capitalization.

He picked up one weathered piece at random, and gazed at the jagged outlines of the world, and its three continents, Europe, Asia, and Africa.

He picked up one weathered piece at random and gazed at the jagged outlines of the world and its three continents: Europe, Asia, and Africa.

All the maps were similar, many of them older and not as updated, and others newer, and more updated.

All the maps were similar, many of them older and not as updated, others newer and more updated.

But, the more he had thought about it, the more he realized that it was likely true. He had observed things which could only account in a round earth.

But the more he had thought about it, the more he realized that it was likely true. He had observed things which could only occur on a round earth.

What would come of his job, and the jobs of many other cartographers, if the earth was proved round.

What would come of his job, and the jobs of many other cartographers, if the earth was proven round?

“In the Shadow of the Falls,” he read, as he looked fondly at the book.

“In the Shadow of the Falls,” he read as he looked fondly at the book.

A many masted ship pushed laboriously through the torrent, being tossed about by the waves as though it was a toy sailboat.

A many-masted ship pushed laboriously through the torrent, tossed about by the waves as though it was a toy sailboat.

“Everyone! Stay calm!” Came a bellow from the upper decks.

“Everyone! Stay calm!” came a bellow from the upper decks.

Wind howled, and an icy blast soared through, forcing the scarlet cloaked speaker to clutch his cape tighter around him.

Wind howled and an icy blast soared through, forcing the scarlet-cloaked speaker to clutch his cape tighter around himself.

“Everyone!” The crimson clad man was now joined by another, stouter man. “Everyone!” The short captain bellowed again, “Lord Philip is right! We need every last man to fight this storm! We will not let this storm master us over the edge! How many of you has had nightmares of the edge of the world? Well now, let those nightmares fill your mind! But don’t let yourself give up! We need everyone if we are to break the force of these seas, to ride this storm, and to escape from the strangling of the edge! We will not give up without a fight, will we men?!”

“Everyone!” The crimson-clad man was joined by another, stouter man. “Everyone!” the short captain bellowed again. “Lord Philip is right! We need every last man to fight in this storm. We will not let this storm master us over the edge. How many of you has had nightmares of the edge of the world? Well now let those nightmares fill your mind! But don’t let yourself give up. We need everyone if we are to break the force of these seas, to ride this storm, and to escape from the strangling of the edge. We will not give up without a fight, will we men?” (I eliminated many of the exclamation marks because it’s clear from the setting/context and the words themselves that he’s speaking powerfully, so it reads smoother with fewer exclamation marks.)

Philip the first turned, his cape a flash of red, and looked at his captain with admiration. “You handled that nicely.”

Philip the First turned, his cape a flash of red, and looked at his captain with admiration. “You handled that nicely.”

A high octave schreech rent the night, followed by sevaral others.

A high-octave screech rent the night, followed by several others.

“That’s the biggest darn rat I’ve ever seen,” Philip muttered, and then leapt onto the lower deck, trying to draw his sword as he did.

“That’s the biggest darn rat I’ve ever seen,” Philip muttered. He leapt onto the lower deck, trying to draw his sword as he did.

He held the sword menacingly; the thought, that he had absolutely no experience with weapons, only briefly crossing his mind.

He held the sword menacingly. The thought that he had absolutely no experience with weapons only briefly crossed his mind. (This would be even better if you could show him holding it menacingly rather than tell. Have him hold it up toward the monster and show his expression, for instance.)

A great alga covered serpentine body had risen out of the water, draped carelessly with sea weed and various mollusks.

A great, algae-covered, serpentine body had risen out of the water, draped carelessly with seaweed and various mollusks.

Rufus, nodded astutely, and made his way towards the lower decks in obedience. Plop, his iron-cuffed boots dashed grime about as he plodded through one of the many puddles dampening the rough deck.

Rufus nodded astutely and made his way toward the lower decks. Plop. His iron-cuffed boots dashed grime about as he plodded through one of the many puddles dampening the rough deck.

The red caped lord listened to the dying away taps of his manservant, and readied himself for battle, for his death.

The red-caped lord listened to the dying-away taps of his manservant and readied himself for battle. For his death.

Philip could hear the rowboat splash the violent ocean as Rufus and his son, his only son, began their escape. He recognized the distinctive splosh of oars, as they cut through the water.

Philip could hear the rowboat splash the violent ocean as Rufus and his son — his only son — began their escape. He recognized the distinctive splosh of oars as they cut through the water.

Philip thought back to the most recent time he had held little Philip the second and stroked his adorable pudgy cheeks.

Philip thought back to the most recent time he had held little Philip the Second and stroked his adorable pudgy cheeks.

Philip stepped forward, leaned all his weight onto his right foot, and swung, wildly, for the first, yet also the last time.

Philip stepped forward, leaned all his weight onto his right foot, and swung wildly for the first and last time.