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I have this short story I’ve written and was wondering if y’all would mind critiquing it for me. The character, Nova, is a rebel spy in a dystopian type government (her parents are high ranking government officials so this places her in ideal situations to gather intel for the rebellion at work). I wanted to explore the beginning of her joining the rebellion and figure out what would make a well off character turn her back on it all.

 

Masquerade

A Short Story

WWIII took its toll on the world. Though each country vowed they were only protecting their own rights and borders, it was soon evident that this was not the case. Allies turned against allies. Nations who had allowed their “friends” to add protection were now seeing invasion-like forces running them over. Soon there was little left of the world as it had been.

With each country grasping for as much land as they could get, borders became confused. Thriving cities were piles of rubble. Technological and scientific advancements were at a virtual standstill as men, women, and children were pressed to fight. Those too old, too young, or too ill to fight were forced into the fields to farm or into the factories to make ammunition.

After years of fighting, the world leaders came together in a summit to discuss stopping the potentially life-ending nuclear forces from destroying the planet altogether. The four most prominent leaders, China, Germany, America, and Arabia, split the world into fourths. Each took their portion of the world and began rebuilding. Between senators and governors, the kings, presidents, or prime ministers kept track of their own growing empires.

Eventually, the Anti-War pact at the UN (now only four members as the others were unneeded) established the end of the war between nations. However, even though there was no more war, soldiers were still needed to keep the peace. Children were trained to be better than ever before. Those with the proper aptitudes for greatness were chosen to join the ranks of an elite Corps—this Corps, and its members, hold the power over world leaders.

The training room was a jungle of ropes, ladders, metal bars, cloth dummies, and more. To add to the tropical feel, there were many large vines draped around the equipment as simply one more barrier to traverse across the giant obstacle course. The glass ceiling would have illuminated the room nicely if only the sky outside would cooperate. As it was, the clouds clung to the towering skyscrapers all but hiding the air traffic as numerous hover cars flew by overhead.

“Alright, then, Nova. One last time. How fast can you traverse the course?” Trainer Terrance Hamal took a step back from the starting position to make room for the child behind him. At no more than twelve, Nova was already beyond her years when it came to combat and agility. She had to be to survive in this family. She knew there were few adults who would have been able to keep up with her, despite being decades their junior.

“What’s the goal for this lap?” She asked. Her voice was high and sweet. She was the kind of person easily underestimated and she knew how to use that to her advantage.

“Your best so far is seven and a half minutes, but I want you to be able to do it in five. For this lap, though, just beat your record and then you can practice on your own.” The girl nodded stepping up to the starting line. “On your mark…get set…go!”

She started off at a jog to the first obstacle: a single rope she had to climb using only her arm and back muscles. It was meant to get her into the air and destabilize her. But this was easy. She climbed it effortlessly having been training on it for the past two years. The next three obstacles were equally effortless, but the course was designed to be gradually harder as you progressed. Reserving energy and strength was as much a part of the training as any of the problems facing her.

About a third of the way through the course she heard several people enter the training arena, but she was determined not to lose focus. A few stumbles early on let her know she wouldn’t pass her record this time. Discouragement started to settle in before the last couple of obstacles came at her. The first was a pit of sorts. In reality, it was just a space left open with a net to catch her if she fell. Her job was to swing on 5 free hanging ropes between the six-foot-wide pit and avoid falling in. Finally, she arrived at the end of the course and the last obstacle: a variety of mobile, human-shaped dummies. They sat on tracks and would move at random occasionally swinging limbs around. Nova’s job was to disable three of the five before crossing the finish line. This she did incorporating several different martial arts techniques into the fight from tae kwon do, Hapkido, karate, and more.

Crossing the finish line she saw her parents, brother, and trainer all waiting for her. Only her trainer looked the least bit encouraging. She slowed to a stop just past the line gasping for breath. Waiting for someone to speak was worse than any of the obstacles she had just faced.

“What an unimpressive display.” Her father said at last. “Your trainer says you haven’t improved your time in a whole week.”

“I’m sorry, Father.” She said as humbly as she could manage between breaths.

“Does your family name mean nothing to you? We have a reputation to uphold. Imagine if someone had seen that performance.”

“But Mother, they’re not allowed to view our training sessions until we’re fourteen.”

“That hardly excuses you. Just two more years. You improve your time, or I’ll ship you off to the Roamers myself.”

“To be fair, your Excellencies, Nova already shows much promise for her age.” The trainer said. “I can think of quite a few high-level capitol members who would struggle to keep up with her even now. Not to mention the display you just saw was at the end of the day when she was also exhausted from training. If you would like, I can show you tapes from this morning where she did much better.”

His words warmed Nova’s heart until she saw the look of death her mother was giving the man. “How dare you contradict me.” Fear replaced whatever pride had been there moments before. “I know what is best for my daughter and you will follow my wishes.”

“Besides, our plans for her go beyond anything a simple trainer could even imagine,” Father said matter of factly.

“Of course, all parents want what is best for their children. I was simply reminding you that she was not as bad as you feared.”

Mother still looked as though she wanted to murder the man on the spot but she said nothing else. She simply turned on her heel and walked out, her red cape flowing behind her. Father followed seconds later after giving several more curt remarks.

“Wow! Nova is no longer the pride of the Libra House?” Her brother said mockingly. “Did you see how you almost fell at that projectile dodging? Stars! I hope they recorded it.”

“What do you want, Castor?”

“Me? Nothing of course. As if a twelve-year-old could give me tips on anything.” He laughed.

Nova swallowed the words she wanted to say instead choosing to take a deep breath and steady her heartbeat.

“That’s not entirely accurate, though, is it, Castor?” Their trainer appeared just behind him.

“Uh…what?”

“What was your time at her age? Ten minutes? And it took you almost a month to pass it. Already she is almost twice as good at this task. Are you sure there’s nothing you could learn from her?”

Castor scoffed, “She’s just a kid!”

A smile played at the corners of their trainer’s mouth though Nova knew he would never be able to let it out in front of Castor. “Very well, if you are not here for training, I suggest you get back to your studies. I’m sure your tutors are wondering where you are.”

Castor glared at both of them with all the hatred he could muster before storming out looking more like his mother than he probably would have liked.

When he was gone Nova looked up at her trainer smiling, “Well, that was educational.”

“It’s ok, Nova. You can tell me their words hurt you. You can even show it. I will never use your pain against you.” She dropped her smile and stared at the floor. For the first time, she actually looked like the twelve-year-old she was, not the wannabe adult her family forced her to be.

“How do you do it?” She asked, her voice small and childlike.

“Do what?”

“You grew up in the same world as I did. You went through the same training and the same standards. How did you come out so…” she searched for the right word.

“Soft?”

She shrugged, nodding.

“I saw what that training did to my classmates, teachers, and friends. I didn’t want to be like them. I hated the constant competition. So I decided I’d give it my best, but I wouldn’t let them make my heart hard. Do you understand?”

She nodded uncertainly. “But, if you’ve always been so soft, how did you become a trainer? Why did Mother and Father ever hire you to train Castor and me?”

He crouched down in front of her. “Just because someone is soft doesn’t mean they can’t be strong,” he paused for a moment before continuing. “Think of the nicest person you know. What makes them so nice? Are they weak because they choose to be nice?”

Nova thought for a minute, “I suppose not.”

“See, even when the world is harsh and uncaring, it takes true strength to choose to have a soft and compassionate heart.” He stood stretching his back. “When you are a little older, I want to teach you more about this, but for now, try to enjoy being a child. I promise you’ll miss it when it’s gone.”

Nova rolled her eyes playfully, “You always say that, and I still don’t enjoy it.”

“No, I don’t suppose any child really does despite every single one of them growing up to miss it,” he laughed.

The doors opened again to let in a humanoid bot. “Trainer Hamal, Senator Libra would like to see you in the study.”

“Which one?” The trainer asked.

“Both, sir.” With that, the bot left.

“Are you in trouble because you defended me?”

Hamal smiled sadly down at his student, “Possibly, but we’re not going to let it get to us, are we?”

“No, sir.” She shook her head.

“Good, now I think you’ve had enough of this course for one day. Why don’t you go see your tutors for some mental training?”

“Yes, sir.”

Hamal watched her hurry off toward the living quarters. “One last thing,” he called, “who did you think of just now? The nicest person, I mean.”

She tilted her head, “You, of course!” She smiled and ran off again.

How he wished he could protect her, but there was only so much a teacher could do. She was like a daughter to him, surely he could do more; but, the Libra family was vast and powerful. Judging by the way the two senators had left this afternoon, he was doing no one any favors by making them wait.

He knocked on the door to the study. “You asked to see me?”

“You may enter,” Morrigan Libra tried too hard to make her voice sound as innocent and sweet as her daughter’s. Needless to say, she was failing.

Hamal stepped inside and stood at attention in front of the desk. If he hadn’t been nearing his 40’s he might have thought he was back in school visiting his headmaster. The room was dim and cold, intended to frighten all who entered into immediate submission. The massive desk and accompanying armchair were the only pieces of furniture other than the floor to ceiling bookshelves lining the walls. These displayed the wealth and power of their owners through holoprojections of rank and title along with priceless artifacts and artwork.

“Sabik and I are concerned for our daughter’s well being.” Morrigan began. She glided slowly around the room in an attempt to keep Hamal on edge. “As we said earlier we have great plans for her and her training with you has stagnated.”

“We wonder whether you are being too soft on the girl. There were rumors, before you were hired, that you were one of the softest recruits our corps had ever seen. Perhaps your affection for your student has clouded your judgment?” Sabik stated more than asked. He sat squarely behind the desk leveling his cold glare at the trainer in front of him.

“I admit, I am fond of the girl, but as I trained her brother, I am training her just as hard.” Hamal objected refusing to be cowed.

“Castor has no talent.” Morrigan spat just behind his ear. “This was clear from his childhood. Yes, train him, but don’t expect much. We never have. Nova, though, she has true potential…”

“She’s twelve,” Hamal muttered under his breath.

“And I refuse to allow that potential to be wasted.” Morrigan finished circling the room to stand gracefully at her husband’s elbow.

“Wasted? No one has ever accused the Libra house of wasting potential.” Hamal argued. “I assure you, Nova will reach her ‘potential.’ She is improving day by day, perhaps not in leaps and bounds, but there is a drastic improvement if you’ll compare the report I sent last month to the one sent yesterday.”

“Yet, she can still do better.”

“She is a child.” Hamal struggled not to raise his voice. “Please, allow her to enjoy this time as such.”

“Libra children do not get childhoods. That is a fantasy only the lower classes can afford. You will quit referring to her as such.” Sabik said in a dangerously low voice.

“If this task proves too difficult, you may find yourself unemployed in the near future, have we made ourselves clear?”

Hamal struggled to keep his breathing even, “You have.”

“Good. Improve her time or we will improve her trainer. You are dismissed.”

Hamal stepped into the hall. As soon as he was out of sight of the office he let his head fall. His body soon followed as he slid down the wall, covering his head in his hands. What am I going to do? He half prayed, half thought. She has no one, no allies, no friends. She’s just a child.

“Trainer Hamal, are you alright?” He raised his head hesitantly. Nova stood before him, her hand on his shoulder, eyes full of compassion. “They fired you, didn’t they?”

He shook his head, “It’ll be alright. I’ve got a couple more days.”

She nodded, “What do I need to do?”

“Nothing, child, this isn’t on you.”

“Yes, it is. My time hasn’t improved the way they want. Tell me, what do I need to do?”

Hamal sighed, “Let me tell you a little secret.” He pulled himself up off the floor and grabbed the girl’s hand. “Come, walk with me.” They walked in silence hand in hand down the long corridors for several minutes. “You figured out I’m soft, and you’re not wrong. That makes people not like me, Nova.”

“Why? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Because I am soft by choice. I went through the same training and teachers as they did, that is true, but I chose how I wanted to come out on the other side. This doesn’t necessarily make me stronger, but it makes me dangerous to them.”

Nova gave him a look of disbelief.

He chuckled, “Not danger in terms of physical harm, I am referring more to strength of character. See, if I can choose how I act, they can’t control me. Yes, yes, they have complete control over my career and living, but they have no say over my thoughts and actions. This is why I am only a trainer despite, perhaps, deserving many promotions in the past two decades. This is why it doesn’t matter what you do, if you suddenly improved in your training tomorrow, they would still find something to fire me over in the near future.”

Nova slowed her walking pace. Her face showed deep concentration as she attempted to grasp what her teacher was saying. “So,” she started, “how do you do it? You come here every day to teach me and you never said a word. You never told me how much everyone hated you.”

“Part of that is simply I didn’t want you to be concerned for me, but a bigger part is that I don’t let them affect me like that. There’s a certain way I have to act whenever I am around my peers here when I’m training and in the field.”

“To you make them believe you’re not soft.” The girl said matter of factly.

“Not exactly.” Hamal rubbed his free hand over his eyes. “Think of it this way, you’ve seen your mother at the masquerade balls?”

Nova nodded.

“When she put the masks on, did you know she was underneath?”

“Of course, everyone knows Mother. She wouldn’t be happy if people couldn’t recognize her even with a mask. Have you seen how extravagant her gowns are?”

The trainer laughed, “Back on topic. When I’m working, I have a mask like that. Everyone knows my character and my beliefs, but I don’t have to rub it in their faces every minute of every day.”

“I want to be like you,” Nova said all at once.

“What?” Hamal looked down at his charge with pride and concern, “Are you sure? It won’t be easy.”

Nova nodded, “Nothing I have ever done has been easy. But I don’t want them to be able to control me either. I’m twelve years old, I can decide this for myself at least, even if they take every other decision away from me, I want this one.”

Hamal had never admired the small girl more than at that moment. “If you are really sure then I will back you and do my best to prepare you, but when I’m gone it is going to have to be up to you. It’s a choice you’re going to have to make every day when you wake up. And your parents won’t hire another ‘soft’ trainer next time. Your next trainer will be hard and harsh, and they will try to make you the same way.” Hamal paused, “Are you really sure you want to do this?”

Nova took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “The decision has been made. I will not let them choose my character or my beliefs for me. I may be young, but I can be strong enough for that.”

Hamal smiled, “Alright then. I will make sure I get you contacts before I am gone that can help coach you in this if you so wish, but understand one very important thing: your strength is a quiet one. Open rebellion against your parents is not what I am helping you to do. I am trying to give you the tools to grow your character, do you understand this?”

“Yes, sir. Just one last thing, you mentioned contacts, who are they?”

“Just some friends of mine. Maybe, in the future, you can help them—and me—in return.”

“I’d like that, sir.”