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Kayla Joy replied to the topic Home for a Year Chapter 1 Excerpt in the forum Critiques 7 years, 10 months ago
Wow. This is a very interesting world. I want to read more. 🙂 I made some suggestions in the doc.
I love this society, and the female character (Amelie?) was actually pretty relatable. I like a character who isn’t perfect, that is prone to bursts of anger like a normal human. I also liked the insight into her character you gave when she was embroidering. Those are the things that make a character lovable. In future chapters you should explain why she doesn’t trust strangers. I think that would be a very interesting mini arc within your story.
The male character (Blaine?) was a little bland, mainly because we didn’t really get much of him, he was just silent and a little boring. I am not sure how you could introduce him a bit better in the first chapter, since Amelie takes up our focus in it.
When you get the next chapter up, tag me. I want to read more. 😀












